if you ever were a friend
I told myself that I’d rely on you forever.
For a long time.
I told myself that I needed you.
I was stuck
and addicted to your presence
your essence.
I pushed you away
and still I craved you
I needed you
I just didn’t know how to say it
I guess you realized something
You probably realized that you didn’t need me
the way I needed you
so you told me off
like I needed to be told off
I wanted to make amends because I secretly did need you
I secretly craved you even after the fact
Even after I dropped my emotions on the table
I let you see them, dissect them, taste them,
Breathe my fucking emotions
Even after all of that I wanted your presence
I wanted to have you in my grip, my
fingertips
you,
on the other hand
let me go and I deserved that
so here is a little message
a little note
poem
short prose, if you will
I let you go as I write this
I give you up
I don’t need you anymore
I don’t crave you like I used to
I am free from myself, my need for destruction
I will not try again
I will not try to love you anymore