if you ever were a friend

I told myself that I’d rely on you forever.

For a long time.

I told myself that I needed you.

 

I was stuck

and addicted to your presence

your essence.

 

I pushed you away

and still I craved you

I needed you

I just didn’t know how to say it

 

I guess you realized something

You probably realized that you didn’t need me

the way I needed you

so you told me off

like I needed to be told off

 

I wanted to make amends because I secretly did need you

I secretly craved you even after the fact

Even after I dropped my emotions on the table

I let you see them, dissect them, taste them,

Breathe my fucking emotions

 

Even after all of that I wanted your presence

I wanted to have you in my grip, my

fingertips

you,

on the other hand

let me go and I deserved that

 

so here is a little message

a little note

poem

short prose, if you will

 

I let you go as I write this

I give you up

I don’t need you anymore

I don’t crave you like I used to

I am free from myself, my need for destruction

I will not try again

I will not try to love you anymore

 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741