I wish I could…

I can’t help falling for you,

Each time our eyes meet.

Even for that brief second it’s like fire rushing through my veins.

Like it was before, that excitement to see you each day.

The hope for even a wisp of a smile on your lips,

It swallows me whole and holds me prisoner.

 

Those lips I was all-too familiar with.

The way they’d capture mine,

With such care and compassion.

Your gentle touches drove me wild, even the rough ones,

Sent my head spinning and heart racing.

I hate how much I love you.

 

I hate myself for believing it would last.

I hate myself for hoping that you meant what you said.

I hate myself most, for being the root cause of it ending.

It was my fault.

Despite my Denial.

I ended it… And made things ten times worse.

 

The words you said echo through my mind.

Both good and bad.

But I can’t help but reminisce in the good ones.

I can’t help the nostalgic feeling of you being gone.

The hurt and ache in my chest whenever your name escapes my lips.

I couldn’t help falling helplessly in love with you when I did.

But I could have helped

The hurting you felt

In your eyes.

 

When you cried, and I accused you of not caring. I could have helped everything… But I’m too selfish to admit it out loud.

Funny how things work, huh?

Funny how I fall on my knees when I get home,

And sob for losing you.

 

For the memories that haunt my mind,

I can’t help falling for your beautiful blue-green irises…

I can’t help it…

And I wish I could.

 

~D.N.