I will be the Sun

Why do I do the things I do?

I never, never knew. 

Why do I choose to stay silent?

Even when I have something to say

I don't say it. 

I don't raise my hand with the answer to the question in fear I'll be wrong.

There is no answer.

I don't provide the advice people ask for because I don't know how to phrase it.

There is no way.

Not today.

Jumping into random conversations I'm not really a part of like a wierd little grasshopper, an unwanted bug,

No hellos, 

No goodbyes.

Not really in the middle of anything, just standing there,

Not really anywhere. 

Fear is a leech, sucking the words away before they can leave my mouth,

Saving me from the judging responses to what I say, I tell myself.

It's a good thing my ideas are lost.

But at what cost?

Isolating myself from my friends,

All those who would actually tell me my ideas are good. 

I cut myself off from the world by hiding behind my book.

Making myself an spectator of my own life,

watching it like a movie from behind a screen.

Like the sun behind a cloud, I am unseen.

But look.

Outside, there is no cloud covering that bright sun. 

When I look at it, I realize there shouldn't be anything holding me back from talking to everyone,

I will share my ideas, take action, stand up, and attempt to climb new heights. 

I will not let this fear, this dark storm cloud, beat me down.

I will smile, not frown.

I will live my life, not just watching the movie.

I will figure out who I am just by living,

And I will be the sun, shining bright through the fear.


This poem is about: 


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741