I am here. In this second. Without beige and honey paint stroke

Bare boned flesh in disguise, hidden behind deliberate smoke

Crackle peach lips, scar hips, skin ripped

She lies in blood and dirt in my finger tips clipped

So short so that I cannot cause harm

But mind is smart and hands are linked to my forearms

Strong, stronger than intentions

And each day in the mirror is a fruitless intervention

Because the only apples gained off this tree

Are as red as the blood of my legs to the sangria of my cheeks

I can't count the caverns of rust

the canopies of tears

But I can count how long it's lasted,

In months and in those years

Unaware of bare bodied purity

Undiseased by victims shears

Where we cut away the clothes that hide us

From our devilish fears

And I am here. In this moment. And snake tongue quick pinches won't quit

It’s hard to show your hands when they reek of desperation. Of Devil-May-Care shit.

And I’m trying to tell you something that words will never define

How it feels to live in a body that can’t be, that won’t be; mine.

And I want to sound poetic, I want to have your ear

I want to say something beautiful, that you’ll remember in a few years

But It’s hard to imagine lovely, when I’m forced to accept my fears.

Yes I'm planted at the doorstep, and I can see deep inside

There's abscess and starved carcass in the depths of my hopeles mind.