I Want More

Location

Well I succeeded

When I thought I had mended

The door receded, the colors blended

And my mind surrendered to the feelings rendered.

I want a peace that is pieced together and not falling apart

Like my heart

Like my decisions.

What are these little victories and what do they mean?

I remembered to brush my teeth? Not oversleep?

If they get bigger let me know, I’d like to show I can do more than survive

More than lie

More than run out of time and cross the line and whine.

These mundane twists and turns in the plot of my schedule are dismal and abysmal

and I’ve had enough of mediocrity and apathy and lethargy

And quite honestly, I’ve had enough of me. 

So give me something different because “just be yourself” is overrated

When someone else could be traded

For the opposite of boring - I’ll take it.

So why give me the potential to change if I’m supposed to stay the same?

Change is life, we are growing to die and see a new side to the story.

Don’t bury my bones under your epitaphs and stones

To change my form again in the brilliance of the flames 

In the absence of names

Ashes sting.

Then the real me begins

Without the weight of physical chains

Having swapped bleak existence for a streak of radiance 

Standing face to face with life and death and height and depth

A new self in a new place with new health and a new face - I’ll take it

I’ll take it and I’ll run

Away from these empty bottles of toothpaste and a bed left unmade in my haste 

Complaining about the weather to someone who should have known

Better.

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