Well I succeeded
When I thought I had mended
The door receded, the colors blended
And my mind surrendered to the feelings rendered.
I want a peace that is pieced together and not falling apart
Like my heart
Like my decisions.
What are these little victories and what do they mean?
I remembered to brush my teeth? Not oversleep?
If they get bigger let me know, I’d like to show I can do more than survive
More than lie
More than run out of time and cross the line and whine.
These mundane twists and turns in the plot of my schedule are dismal and abysmal
and I’ve had enough of mediocrity and apathy and lethargy
And quite honestly, I’ve had enough of me.
So give me something different because “just be yourself” is overrated
When someone else could be traded
For the opposite of boring - I’ll take it.
So why give me the potential to change if I’m supposed to stay the same?
Change is life, we are growing to die and see a new side to the story.
Don’t bury my bones under your epitaphs and stones
To change my form again in the brilliance of the flames
In the absence of names
Then the real me begins
Without the weight of physical chains
Having swapped bleak existence for a streak of radiance
Standing face to face with life and death and height and depth
A new self in a new place with new health and a new face - I’ll take it
I’ll take it and I’ll run
Away from these empty bottles of toothpaste and a bed left unmade in my haste
Complaining about the weather to someone who should have known