I wake

and my body quakes 

like the earth

is stumbling 

as I rise to my feet

as I start to speak

i am stopped

suddenly

my throat is swelled up

my feet are frozen to the floor

my mouth is zipped

my stomach in knots

my heart is thudding 

like a bass drum

but I wake

and rise 

this ghost

of my last

stands before me

in my head

in my bed..room 

and stares me 

in the eye

face to face

time cannot erase 

the fear I have

facing him

as I go

and linger on

in this silence

this cold

brutal

silence

i cannot speak

it would belittle me

it will destroy me

as it did then

it will be the death of me

I cannot breathe 

I cannot breathe

the memories he gave

my mind shakes

then grows numb

it makes me tired

it makes me weak