I still love you.

Wed, 04/01/2015 - 21:36 -- Hobodia

Letting go is releasing my grasp from the pulley attached to the anvil

Just to have it fall on my own heart
But hold on long enough and forget there's another out there longing for my hand
I still love you so much 
How could I ever abhor my former sweetheart
But there comes a point in everyone's life when they realize their worth
Because times I was treated me as a nickel when I know I was a dime
Because my confidence shined as bright as your teeth 
With that perfectly flawed crooked smile
And I still love you..
And tho you did change
I could not convince my brain of that possible truth 
Because I loved you for 700 days
I can still think of 700 ways you made me smile
But the 7 thousand ways you made me cry
Which tho made me only to be an amazing woman
Are the reason I could no longer be near you
It's ok for me to love
As long as it's from a distance now
When I use to love you the way I once did 
My mind was in a field of sunflowers and they all swayed in your direction because God made the wind bring me to you 
He made you my him and because of that...
I still love you
The mark above your eye I noticed the first time I saw you cry and I knew you trusted me with your heart but did not trust me with your soul
And a trust as such I had to let go 
And tho I once loved you as much as the tree loves it's roots I wasn't able to grow without you
Young with still two entire life's ahead
Like that creamy Cajun pasta that is so not worth it if I want to reap the long term benefits
But I learned to adapt and be created into the very paper I write on today
The former point in my life you stayed running thru my mind
Every action I played out was revolved around you because my circle was small and when I met you you filled it all
I lost so many in pursue of you 
Like a destiny in need of achievement
And I still love you
But now I do not long for you
I do not think of you
And tho I miss the love we once shared
Nothing compares to the joy I now feel in my soul because I was able to let you go! 
I loved myself enough to know that I was not being treated right
A slave to my thoughts you created me to be
You would speak and I would know the truth
I would know the precise truth 
But the utter sassiness of your lips were able to convince me of a lie
Like the serpent in the garden
Except you had no intentions of killing me
At least I hope you didn't
And yes I still love you 
But I no longer cry
I forgive you for it all
And I now know you were a blessing not in disguise 
But a lesson
You taught me love 
And you taught me that I do not need a single human being in order to be happy
You taught me how to forgive
And how to love myself 
And how to go to God for comfort when I had no one else 
And now I go to him in every situation
Because I use to look to you, now I know true love is nothing of what I thought it once was
When I was 16 years old and I first laid my eyes on you
I knew you would change my life
And when I fell in love with you at 17 while I stayed without claim for 200 days
I knew I had to be crazy
I still love you
I hope the words of this roundelay 
Lie on your heart swiftly as a willow
With no offense 
But merely love 
You will forever have a place in this strangely crackled heart
But now I know I can and will learn to love someone so much more
The man of whom I am 
Flesh of his flesh
Bones of his bones
I will wait for him
I will cross paths when intended because 
God's timing is perfect
Now I dont, I use to, love you so much
Now I love from a distance, and it is merely because God says to love your neighbor
The sound of the rain no longer reminds me of you 
the word storm on sewage covers does not either
And thank God it does not bring filth to my heart nor clog up my arteries because of all the crap you put me thru
I no longer count the days we have not spoke
I no longer wait for texts you have not wrote
I no longer hear the ring on my phone and pray one day you would fall on one knee and give me one
You no longer control my life.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

KaterinaPatrova

Wow that was as long as my own. Brava! I enjoyed this so much! I know exactly how ya feel. I loved my ex for going on five or six years now and I still hold him close to my heart. You did great with this!

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