I remember

I remember getting up one dayIt started like any otherI sat down me and my brotherInsults were Normal till later I was pulled away from my mother  Drugs ran through her veinsTrying to cover up past pains I remember her using make up to cover tear stains Just nine years oldI could hear my father speak but I could only do what I was toldGiven a smack,no excuse to have at night or anything to hold I couldn't understand is what they would sayThey thought I was fine but I'm still hurting to this dayCouldn't see the price they were willing for me to pay Going through it alone seen and not heardPointed and laughed at hidden in the herdSpoke a lot because at home I never felt heard While others slept I was tight rope walking Depression was in the back of my mind late night stalking I remember At fifth teen I ran away from home and got emancipatedBefore the year was up my best friend was found incapacitatedOverdosed off my drugs I felt partially decapitated  Alone in a little roomNo parents around to calm the doom Living with a knife to my throat Thinking it's only one easy strokeShedding a tear trying to steady my hand but I began to choke In Grade 10 someone who got to go home to loving parents looked me dead in the eyes and said to get over it While that night i went home and slit my wrists bleeding out in the sinkI could hear every voice calling me names when I hit the brink How could I be loved, a hideous beast beaten to live under the bridgeWhy would I be someone's sun when I was a "popper" going off his hinge 1 part abandonment ,99 parts self confinement  There was lack of blood so I was hallucinating My friend back from the dead forcing me to keep participating  Saying not the world but people's lives will hit freezeAnd that It's not fair to give up when his voice was left in the breeze So I patched up my arms with a ragged  towelWalked to bed and fell asleepWith a drunk scowl The scars are now covered by ink because I think there fowl  To this day. I remember. That's not the weakest I've ever been but where I regained my hopeI've never let go of that last sliver of my heartNo matter how many beaten bones and hurtful names i wouldn't let myself be teared apart But I drank to silence my voiceAnd to this day I havnt dropped that choice Because I don't need to remember all the past painsWhen it still lands upon my cheek and stains  With a company of friends who are willing to dieEven though I feel replaceable and that My life wouldn't sell highLike they could walk away because there are no ties In therapy since I was fifth teen Trying to come to terms what was inside of meAt twenty two I'm only on the way to finding peace I remember  I remember the me who only wanted to fall in love and have kidsYet I've come to terms I'll probably never have kids I need to prove everyone else and my self that I was wrongThat I'm worth more then the air I useBut how can I do that when I feel like I was born to be abusedAnd that I'll die alone because I'm slightly obtuse  I remember always feeling this wayAnd that doctors gave me pills saying it will never go awayAnd that kids in class wished I would die or move awayAnd that all I've ever wanted was someone asking me just to stay Just one minute please, I can't breathe without you Your my light my future and my musePlease stop crying I'm here to fix your shattered heart and help it fuse Someone to hold me close for the first time in my life and tell me everything will be okayBecause at night, next them they want me to stay But I'm getting drunk under the bridgeBecause all my life i was cut off and told I was to never be seen or heard so much my autobiography will have to be abridgeMy life in the eyes of everyone around me is nothing but a smidge  So I sit here waiting for the reaper Counting down on my watch like the time keeper Just trying to forget.  But I remember 

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Assassinbybirth

Did this via iPhone. Sorry for the lack of proper spaces

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