Just like how the sun gives light to the flowers…
Just like how the trees give off oxygen for human life…
One cannot co-exist without the other.
The flowers and the trees cannot exist without the sun
And human life cannot exist without oxygen.
Just like how I cannot co-exist without you
Without you I’m a corpse like being
Walking amongst the living with no purpose in life
A skeleton man, brittle to the core, hungry
Hungry only for you
For your touch, your kiss, your forever graceful presence
I can no longer enjoy the taste of a sweet apple
My teeth puncturing the skin,
Sinking into its crisp, moist center
And savoring every last bite down to the seeds
Now, it only tastes rotten… like gruel
Breathing is no longer the same
It’s tedious, dull. It no longer has the same excitement as it use to
Every breath that I breathed was for you
Saving my dried tunnels from misery
I repeat, with my wavering breaths,
I cannot exist without you
Why do you dismiss me so?
We were close once
So close that neither the angels above or the demons below could divide us
We were an inseparable pair tethered by the letters of romance
Three years later you dismiss me so…
How can I comprehend such a beautiful and dangerous mind?
How can I comprehend the words you spill and the endearing look in your eyes?
How can you leave me alone and put me out to such a murderous world?
I walk now with blood stained feet
Glass digging into my skin
Bringing on a new modification to my scrawny form
Infectious diseases invading my veins
The very fact that I loathe your ugsome personality
Makes me wonder why...?
Why out of all do I find you so alluring… so tempting…?
I always told myself temptations would do me in
And they did
They did and I abhor you for it
I hate you with every ounce of my soul
I could wrap my hands around your lovely neck
And break you with just my thumbs and forefinger
Crushing your windpipe
Causing you to feel the same intensity of pain as I do
Take the ball and chain wrapped around your perfect body
The perfect body I once use to caress
And let it drown you in the flood of your sins, rights and wrongs
But no. No no no no no
That’s not what I want
That’s not what I want at all
I rather you paint that stunning smile I know all too well on your gorgeous face
And beneath it all
Have every intention of piercing, no, crushing my aching,
Warm, bleeding heart with your soft, bare hands
It’d better for you to live happily on this planet
Than to have me wonder about suffering
Wondering who the next person is you’re going to sleep with,
Wondering who you are going to fall for ever so slightly
Just so they can be put out like a dog that has just shit the house
Oh, how I would love to be that person again
To be at your side shameless, naked, happy
I’d relive the past if it means to be happy with you again
I’d go through hell for you over again and again
How did it come to be I had you as my source of happiness and well-being?
I lost myself in your arms and ever glowing beauty
I lost myself in your entirety my darling
To have found you has been my fate
I fell in love with you
No, I did not say that I loved you
Of course, that is implied
I said I fell in love with you and you mistreated that love
You wanted nothing more but my love
Then three years later you overdosed
Ha, overdosed is what did you in
A son of a bitch those pills are
To be at your disposal
What was coursing through your mind before you stuffed yourself with meds?
Were you reminiscing of our time together?
I told you I desired a time with you
I’m glad to let you know you fulfilled that desire
Did you even think about me at all?
Did you consider the world you left behind?
Did you consider the impact of your disappearance on others?
I have. Dear God! I have.
I’m living proof that I have
You think you’re the only one that can give up so easily?
I could have given in the day I met you
But our first kiss, yes, our very first kiss
I saw our future. I saw a life sewn together between the two of us
With your hand intertwined in mine and mine in yours
All I can say now is that I miss you
I miss the kiss of your lips against my fingertips
I miss that sharp tongue behind your lips
A pair of eyes that tell the whole story
I miss the touch of your hand sliding up my thigh
The wonderful form of your body that would fit perfectly into mine as we lay in bed
Your joyful laughter, intelligent wit, sarcastic remarks
I even miss the look in your eyes when you told me that you hated me
At least I knew that you cared to some degree
I miss the constant fights we engaged in that were utterly pointless
I miss the tears that dampened the sleeve of my shirt
Your lipstick stained kiss lingering on my cheek
And the shortness of breath you gave me each time you did
The curve of your back as I pulled you in close to my chest
I miss the hot breaths that danced between us as we kissed
But now you’re gone…
Yeah, now you’re gone…
What shall I do now?
Should I find another love?
Should I travel the world?
Should I buy an item from every store of the country,
Or should I rob a bank, commit murder, try to win the lottery,
Build a family, develop a cure for cancer, invent a time machine,
Or even become a secret assassin?
What shall I do now?
For the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do next
Each second that passes feels like a waste without you here
It has been a year since you have passed
And I can still smell the perfume I got for you for your birthday
The chair you use to fall asleep in as you read
Still has your imprint
Sometimes I sit at the corner of our bed and just stare at it
As tears fill up my eyes, an apparition of you appears
My hallucinations were only the beginning
The voices in my head were my own mini asylum
Grey rain clouds show on every x-ray
Flustering scientists of this new phenomenon
I was nearing the end of my journey
I was disintegrating with each step I took
Hair falling from their roots
Making my scalp known
The bags under my eyes growing darker
Eyes bulging out of their sockets
My skin becoming paler
Shriveled so tight around my bones unable to notice if the skin was really there
I was see through
My bones using all the strength they had to lift me
With just a tap of my shoulder, or a brush of an arm I would shatter
I would turn to ash leaving nothing behind but a name
A name that has become foreign to me
I was a person once. A human being living on this Earth
What happened to me?
You took away my piece of mind
You took away my happiness
You took away my purity
You took away my everything
They say on the precibus of extinction do we change…
I’ve wallowed around in sorrow for far too long my dear
I can no longer stay here
I finally put on some clothing that has become three sizes too big
Pack my things, and search for a new beginning
I eat something to only throw it back up
My stomach trying to become acquainted with the taste of nutrition again
Given the time I will heal
As I walk by a store window, I see my reflection
One look and I’m afraid to say I can’t find myself
I saw clearly the person on the other side of the window,
I saw clearly the reflection of a baby stroller passing by me,
But I couldn’t find me.
I couldn’t find the me that I use to be
I continued to walk down the street
Passing every shop, passing every window, passing every pothole and cracks
Walking aimlessly and I will forevermore continue to say
My dear, my darling, my most beautiful love
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.