I Miss You

Just like how the sun gives light to the flowers…

Just like how the trees give off oxygen for human life…

One cannot co-exist without the other.

The flowers and the trees cannot exist without the sun

And human life cannot exist without oxygen.

Just like how I cannot co-exist without you

Without you I’m a corpse like being

Walking amongst the living with no purpose in life

A skeleton man, brittle to the core, hungry

Hungry only for you

For your touch, your kiss, your forever graceful presence

I can no longer enjoy the taste of a sweet apple

My teeth puncturing the skin,

Sinking into its crisp, moist center

And savoring every last bite down to the seeds

Now, it only tastes rotten… like gruel

Breathing is no longer the same

It’s tedious, dull. It no longer has the same excitement as it use to

Every breath that I breathed was for you

Saving my dried tunnels from misery

I repeat, with my wavering breaths,

I cannot exist without you

Why do you dismiss me so?

We were close once

So close that neither the angels above or the demons below could divide us

We were an inseparable pair tethered by the letters of romance

Three years later you dismiss me so…

How can I comprehend such a beautiful and dangerous mind?

How can I comprehend the words you spill and the endearing look in your eyes?

How can you leave me alone and put me out to such a murderous world?

I walk now with blood stained feet

Glass digging into my skin

Bringing on a new modification to my scrawny form

Infectious diseases invading my veins

The very fact that I loathe your ugsome personality

Makes me wonder why...?

Why out of all do I find you so alluring… so tempting…?

I always told myself temptations would do me in

And they did

They did and I abhor you for it

I hate you with every ounce of my soul

I could wrap my hands around your lovely neck

And break you with just my thumbs and forefinger

Crushing your windpipe

Causing you to feel the same intensity of pain as I do

Take the ball and chain wrapped around your perfect body

The perfect body I once use to caress

And let it drown you in the flood of your sins, rights and wrongs

But no. No no no no no

That’s not what I want

That’s not what I want at all

I rather you paint that stunning smile I know all too well on your gorgeous face

And beneath it all

Have every intention of piercing, no, crushing my aching,

Warm, bleeding heart with your soft, bare hands

It’d better for you to live happily on this planet

Than to have me wonder about suffering

Wondering who the next person is you’re going to sleep with,

Wondering who you are going to fall for ever so slightly

Just so they can be put out like a dog that has just shit the house

Oh, how I would love to be that person again

To be at your side shameless, naked, happy

I’d relive the past if it means to be happy with you again

I’d go through hell for you over again and again

How did it come to be I had you as my source of happiness and well-being?

I lost myself in your arms and ever glowing beauty

I lost myself in your entirety my darling

To have found you has been my fate

I fell in love with you

No, I did not say that I loved you

Of course, that is implied

I said I fell in love with you and you mistreated that love

You wanted nothing more but my love

Then three years later you overdosed

Ha, overdosed is what did you in

A son of a bitch those pills are

To be at your disposal

What was coursing through your mind before you stuffed yourself with meds?

Were you reminiscing of our time together?

I told you I desired a time with you

I’m glad to let you know you fulfilled that desire

Did you even think about me at all?

Did you consider the world you left behind?

Did you consider the impact of your disappearance on others?

I have. Dear God! I have.

I’m living proof that I have

You think you’re the only one that can give up so easily?

I could have given in the day I met you

But our first kiss, yes, our very first kiss

I saw our future. I saw a life sewn together between the two of us

With your hand intertwined in mine and mine in yours

All I can say now is that I miss you

I miss the kiss of your lips against my fingertips

I miss that sharp tongue behind your lips

A pair of eyes that tell the whole story

I miss the touch of your hand sliding up my thigh

The wonderful form of your body that would fit perfectly into mine as we lay in bed

Your joyful laughter, intelligent wit, sarcastic remarks

I even miss the look in your eyes when you told me that you hated me

At least I knew that you cared to some degree

I miss the constant fights we engaged in that were utterly pointless

I miss the tears that dampened the sleeve of my shirt

Your lipstick stained kiss lingering on my cheek

And the shortness of breath you gave me each time you did

The curve of your back as I pulled you in close to my chest

I miss the hot breaths that danced between us as we kissed

But now you’re gone…

Yeah, now you’re gone…

What shall I do now?

Should I find another love?

Should I travel the world?

Should I buy an item from every store of the country,

Or should I rob a bank, commit murder, try to win the lottery,

Build a family, develop a cure for cancer, invent a time machine,

Or even become a secret assassin?

What shall I do now?

For the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do next

Each second that passes feels like a waste without you here

It has been a year since you have passed

And I can still smell the perfume I got for you for your birthday

The chair you use to fall asleep in as you read

Still has your imprint

Sometimes I sit at the corner of our bed and just stare at it

As tears fill up my eyes, an apparition of you appears

My hallucinations were only the beginning

The voices in my head were my own mini asylum

 Grey rain clouds show on every x-ray

Flustering scientists of this new phenomenon

I was nearing the end of my journey

I was disintegrating with each step I took

Hair falling from their roots

Making my scalp known

The bags under my eyes growing darker

Eyes bulging out of their sockets

My skin becoming paler

Shriveled so tight around my bones unable to notice if the skin was really there

I was see through

My bones using all the strength they had to lift me

With just a tap of my shoulder, or a brush of an arm I would shatter

I would turn to ash leaving nothing behind but a name

A name that has become foreign to me

I was a person once. A human being living on this Earth

What happened to me?

You took away my piece of mind

You took away my happiness

You took away my purity

You took away my everything

They say on the precibus of extinction do we change…

I’ve wallowed around in sorrow for far too long my dear

I can no longer stay here

I finally put on some clothing that has become three sizes too big

Pack my things, and search for a new beginning

I eat something to only throw it back up

My stomach trying to become acquainted with the taste of nutrition again

Given the time I will heal

As I walk by a store window, I see my reflection

One look and I’m afraid to say I can’t find myself

I saw clearly the person on the other side of the window,

I saw clearly the reflection of a baby stroller passing by me,

But I couldn’t find me.

I couldn’t find the me that I use to be

I continued to walk down the street

Passing every shop, passing every window, passing every pothole and cracks

Walking aimlessly and I will forevermore continue to say

My dear, my darling, my most beautiful love

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss you.


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