An aspiring woman

Staring down the world

Ready to conquer it

Ready to throw it into submission

Ready to make the dark of it into light

With confidence shooting up through the roof

Puncturing sky

With a will as ruthless as waves crashing against rock

With a mindset that says, “yes, I can.”

She can do it

 

As she finally stands atop the world

Something tugs at her

A gentle pull at the hem of her clothing

Wanting to pull her away from her rightful place

 

It’s her again

 

The frightened girl

Cowering from the world

Wanting to run from darkness

Wanting to flee from those merciless creatures called humans

Wanting to escape

With water spilling from overused tear ducts

Creating an ocean of salty fluid

With no hope because the liars in her brain said she wasn’t good enough

With voices in her head telling her, “you’re a failure.”

She can’t even try

 

The woman and girl meet

They are one of the same

One unabashedly shows herself to those in front of her

The other is pushed behind the barrier

Behind the curtain

 

Though the weaker counterpart is behind closed doors

She is still there

Constantly pulling down the stronger

Crying, “aren’t you scared?”

Yes, I am

“You’re going to fail.”

Yes, I will

“I want to go home.”

So do I

“I’m going to cry.”

That makes two of us

 

No matter how I, the woman, want to join the girl

Behind the curtain

My place is on the front lines

In the world

I will keep the little girl there

And I will remain here

It’s as simple as that

 

Am I lying to myself?

Yes

Am I hiding who I really am?

Yes

Am I living a double life?

Maybe

 

Regardless, I will continue

With the girl behind closed doors

So I may actually live

Without fear and doubt

Nailing me to the floor

 

I know who I am

You don’t need to tell me

But it’s better this way

 

The aspiring woman

The frightened girl