I Just Need to Stay Strong

I used to bear my heart to the world


I shared everything


Spilled my heart to open ears


I believed it when I heard


That talking resolved things


I quickly learned, however


That people don’t care


about other people’s problems


So instead of being an open book


I just kept my nose buried in them


My favorites included heroins


Women who didn’t care what others thought


Were self reliant and who commonly


kept their feelings to themselves


They never whined or complained


So others saw them as strong


independent leaders to look up to


So I told myself that’s what I wanted to be


I decided I should train myself


to go against my instincts


Everytime I ached to spill my woes


I swallowed them instead


It was so difficult at first


But then I started to like it


Dealing with my problems by myself


made me feel smarter than the rest


I would still listen to the girls


who felt they needed someone to talk to


but now I felt superior to them


They needed me


a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on


But I needed no one


and that made me stronger


smarter and tougher than them


But one night I was stripped of that


Someone took all that away


Made me feel weak and scared


Used and violated


But I was strong and tough


No one could hurt me


That’s the girl everyone knew me as


I couldn’t bear to change that


So I swallowed those feelings too


But this time


They didn’t go down as easily


I found that rum and whiskey


Made it a bit easier


So that was me now


I was still tough and strong


independent and self reliant


I still didn’t need anyone


All I needed was a couple shots


So I could swallow the feelings


Until it happened again


One of my best friends


But I’m tough and strong


And even after what he did


I don’t want people to hate him


I can deal with it on my own


So I just need


to keep pushing the feelings down


Then I will keep being strong


Then they will keep seeing me as strong


And if I’m strong,


it can’t hurt me anyways


This poem is about: 


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