i’m sad sunshine body sunlight veins the sun it’s a new day but not a fresh start and i shouldn’t be sad thinking that i’ve lost you because the truth is i’ve never had you in the first place and the fact is there will be once your entire world sitting behind me reading these words and laughing pitifully at how disastrously i am yours when you were never mine she knows never mine always hers not anymore though right? i believe you it is what it is has turned into a chant the only thing that keeps me going when they scream too loud and i once heard that the human skin is incredibly hard to live in and that’s why so many of us tear it open and i’ve never been one that aspired to follow the crowd but i think we all make exceptions i also make mixtapes 55 songs too long too much too much like that song right? its a new year i was drunk on the idea of you and i mostly on you (you’re so beautiful all the time, i want to tell you that everyday and not feel guilty) drunk on you and poorly washed out wine bad combination you might think except i won’t apologize, there’s nothing to apologize for because it made my mind feel clear and my heart felt like bursting into rays and it was 5 am and i missed you i miss you, present tense i need to stop writing poetry my mother will yell (she’ll yell anyway because that’s the only way she knows how to tell me she loves me, she loves me obviously?) she doesn’t know you know, don’t think she ever will funny because if she does find out it’ll be like you and i i was never hers to begin with dear daughter, you need to go. actually i don’t want to waste that noun on you anymore dear, just go. *don’t let me go plays softly in the background* because that’s all i’ll ever have to say to anyone right ? its ironic because you’ve had too many people walk out and here i am begging you to let me stay
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