I cried last night why you was on the phone 
I cried this morning when I had let you go 
this night you I cried out of my mind, 
I wrapped myself in misery and sat alone in the dark 
holding the other part of my heart of the unknown  
feeling my despair and loneliness. 
I know this was for the best you just don't know this yet  
take note of this I don't want to be in love yet, 
I don't want a marriage 
yet that will be so much regrets for me, 
You must know never to put your heart on hold. 
move on please and let me go! 
today I have not been acting my usual self you see  
my heart is finely free that is what my heart needs, 
the universe is vast in love, 
I am in the void of loneliness,  
I do set and look at the stars thinking about where you are, 
Paris is where my heart wanted to be. 
But given my all to just one it set my heart on run, 
I am still young not read for that yet, 
I can handle love to a degree, 
But my heart needs to love freely, 
I am used to being a lone with a big world
around me I cold home, 
I 'm just starting to find me,  
I know I am in my forties but my heart is still young  
And it wants to move on, 
I gave my all to others very young in life, 
I learned how to let others walk all over me
let them live out my dreams. 
But not this time I started learning how to love me
and live out my own life  
learning to find me and setting out my own dreams, 
Then when my heart is ready for love it will be on easy,  
I don't want to be alone tonight but this is life, 
I had made loneliness my best friend.  
I realized that I am were I need to be and that is free, 
I would call to Paris but I know not! 
the key to a semi-happy life is simply not for me. 
I need sufficient distraction of true happiness
that's when I found me. 
balance of passion and love and energy I already had it, 
so, I distracted myself,
shook off all my pains that others gave  
I just walked away and find my world for me to being. 
my gravity pulling sadness to happiness. 
I learn to love me and live my own life 
and set my heart free.

Poetic Judy Emery © 2012

The Queen Of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery