It’s a long way down from where we begin. Knocking on heaven’s door. The words you said yesterday came at me full force. “Maybe if we both admit our faults, we can move on.” I am a laugh away from crying.I seek for love inside of us and come out empty handed. Hand me your fears and regrets. I promise to accept them just as they come, In a tight lid and a maroon ribbon. Has your heart plummeted to the bottom of your guts yet?Have you scratched every surface of your skin looking for relief?Has my name been erased from your dreams recently?Have you searched for me in all you are? I still keep your pain in my soul.Take it back, I don't want it.You promised to love me, flaws and all.You have kept your promise, but I refuse to kneel down on Sunday nights to blow you off. I do not want you to know that I know.I know how we perceive each other, You love me when the skies are gone to hell, and I love you regardless of that. I am worth more than what you give. I refuse to kneel down on Sunday afternoons to boost your ego."LOVE ME, LOVE ME" I keep screaming, but the sound is muffled by your silence when we embrace each other. Why can't you see me? Why can't this be real? Let me hold myself for once,Let me admire the parts of myself that I constantly say no to. I want hands to squeeze my shoulders, but please don't break them.Wait, I plead.You keep tightening your grip and I let go of everything holding this relationship back. A sudden breeze breaks through the window.I wake up, from a dream too real.You sit up next to me and mumble something,"Let's go back to bed," I think you say.Your hand seeks the entrance to my ribcage and settles right in my heart. I love home, with you. with you. with you. with me.