he tells me to trust him...
he holds me so close...
i am shaking
he insists it was the drinks
but as he wraps his arms around my waist
i bend my elbows and form fists that press against his chest.
where is she
she should be here
my friend left me alone with someone i barely knew
who was this kid?
someone who just happened to be around
when i took the sips
id regret for a while.
as he reaches under my nose in attempts to steal a kiss
i pull back
and he giggles.
i have to'
maybe then hell let go of me.
i do as told
and feel his chapped lips lock with mine
his chapped lips that are lined
with the scent of beer and other liquor.
i can barely see him
its too dark outside
but this alcohol
this acid eats through my self respect
loosens the limits i put on my body
and i allow what is to be done
to be done
suddenly he is kissing my neck
feeling me where i wouldn't usually be okay with
but i don't fight back
i don't fucking fight back...
was i too intoxicated to make my own decision?
there is no excuse for what i allowed to be done to me...
on a cold April midnight
under the stars faded from street lights
he knelt down and kissed me
and i counted them all
one by one after breaks to breath air
AND I DIDN'T FUCKING FIGHT IT.
now, i cant sleep, because when i close my eyes
i only imagine him leaning over me.
i take shower after shower
and no matter how much i scrub
i still feel his hands all over me
his hands dirty from the damp grass
ALL OVER ME
it will never go away
it is burned into my memory
the day i was too drunk
to say no