When the time comes that blood runs thin and skin goes pale

I want you to know I forgive you for not wanting this-

I forgive you for leaving your room a mess for us to clean it up

I forgive you for borrowing without returning-

 

I don't however forgive you for leaving,

I don't forgive you for leaving this uncomfortable silence I bestow upon myself-

When the time comes I don't forgive you for saying to me that you were ok

But I know I need to for that last one because maybe it was me

Maybe I just couldn't hear you say you were in so much pain that the only way to fight back was a heavier type of pain

Maybe my ears deceived me into hearing that you were ok because I wanted you to be ok,

 

I wanted you to wake up in the mornings and hear the songs of birds I have sent for you

But now every night I hear the songs you sent to me

The ones where your voice trembled and was so low it almost burnt in flames-

The ones that I hoped I could turn off-

The ones I should've listened to and sung along so you knew I understood-

 

I forgive you for saying you were ok but I just can't bare the thought of forgiving you without an explanation, without a note

Now every night I lay and listen to the voicemail you left me when the time came for ashes to go back to being ashes-

The way your voice trembled,

The way my heart clenched

The way you asked but I still can't let you receive-

 

"Erin," you said, " I'm sorry, forgive me." 

Then all I heard was a click and static that electrocuted and revived my heart so I wouldn't go with you-

 

My friend, I can't forgive you for all but I can forgive you for some-

But I'm sorry. Forgive me.