I Am....Am I?

I am Evolving.

I am relentlessly surprised on how distressed I am over such little things,

Because I have killed myself many times and woke up the next morning. 

As I lay my head down on my satin pillow case, a cascade streaming down my face, my back flat on my deathbed, I abruptly feel an urge to smile.

I giggle.

I begin to imagine myself as an actor in my favorite movie, and this is the part where my audience would empathize by crying with me.

In reality, however, I had not a reason to cry.

I am gradually becoming emotionally unavailable.

I am trying not to forget who I am, I am trying to hold on to the optimistic and creative me,

But the road to Downhill is an inevitable trip for me.

I cannot keep allowing people to hurt me...

My life has been very theatrical but lately I have been uninterested in my own film.

I keep telling myself that I just need time to get better, prettier...but Time never participated in that conversation.

Time has foisted me into an infinite abyss filled with questions of uncertainty without even trying.

Time often plays with my head as I am rushing around, harnessing the limits of human possibility, and she smiles; for she waits for no one, and I am just a grain in sand screaming "wait!" at the top of my lungs.

It took me such a long time to realize that not every soul on this earth is compatible with one another and that does not mean anyone should be considered right or wrong.

We all have our reasons for the things we do.

I am scarcely content; for I have finally digested the bitter medicine people love to label an "apology."

This poem is about: 
Guide that inspired this poem: 


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