I have to write this down.
I cannot keep this all inside.
I just do not understand why you felt the need to lie.
Never mind, I just heard that you had somehing to hide?
I told you that I didn't wanna be that fucking girl that's on the side.
Of course, I'm partly to blame too,
But look what you made me do,
You left me so damn confused,
And you knew that I've been used,
God, you knew I trusted you!
We both know I'll refuse to believe
That you took advantage of me
'Cause I'm still here begging, "Please,
Just sit in the passanger seat. Have a conversation with me."
I wanna hear what you have to say.
Can you be that kind of friend to me for the day?
Or maybe forever, give or take.
Why are you doing this?
I don't like doing it your way.
And I don't care about your girl.
It's about time that she's your world.
I mean yeah, I'm not a fan 'cause I know she only blames me.
She does not understand that girlfriends don't have to be crazy.
But I know exactly where she is coming from.
Blame the other woman for your boyfriend having fun.
And I bet she even tells herself that you're the one.
I see myself in her too young and dumb to run.
I wish that I could say, "There's more important things than love."
But there's not. That's why I appreciate what we got.
A connection on that levels not something that can be taught.
A feeling cannot be bought.
I didn't want you to stop.
You don't get it but I needed all those talks
Four years ago, when the friendzone was locked in place.
I still rememer the way you said my name.
Looking back, I probably fell for you every day.
It's just back then I had a lot on my plate.
I wasn't ready for change.
Now I'm not ready to wait. But I will.
Lowkey, highkey want you to feel the same.
Isn't that ironic? Isn't it kind of a little funny
That I'm begging for a guy who used to think he was too ugly?
Not good enough for me?
God, how the tables have turned.
Now I'm the one he doesn't even care to see.
And I'm so tired of everybody telling me to let it be
'Cause that's just not who I am.
It's not that I need a man.
It's the fact that I can't stand losing another friend.
Of course this had to happen again,
And of course it just had to be him,
And of course it was right after I let him in.
I don't know what it is about men but
I seem to always trust them so much more than I should.
But he was acting like I could,
And of course he knew that I would.
I don't know how to explain it but
For once in a long time
He made me feel so...fucking...good.
But I swear that I am fine.
Matter of fact I'm doing better than alright.
Took me a minute but I can finally see the light.
Actually to me it's shining a little bit too bright.
Sometimes I just get overwhelmed and
I get stressed out and
I gotta ask for help.
But I've learned how to play with the hand that I've been dealt.
You could say that I have changed.
So, let me introduce myself.
Hello, I am someone else
Who feels the need to leave
'Cause I'm still trying to find me.
I can sense myself when I am writing.
It's like my soul comes out of hiding,
An intense burst of lightning.
It's actually kind of like really exciting
'Cause lately I haven't even been fighting for my life.
I am doing more than just surviving.
Believe me I am trying to be a better person.
I realized I was doing worse than everybody putting work.
I can tell you now I am certain that it is all a mindset.
What you give is what you get and
I don't know if you have met Karma yet. But,
Living a living a life to please others it something I will regret.
So, I'm not gonna live for you.
I'm not gonna think about what the average person would do
In this type of situation 'cause I don't know who
Would keep trying to persue
Something that they knew
Was good for them
But, could very quite possibly be
Bad for them too.
You always said that you could never figure me out.
And no one really can so I don't really doubt
That nobody will ever know what I am truly about.
Now I realize I'll never have the time to speak my mind
But I just learned there's less than two percent of my kind.