i am not okay

this is not normal.
waking up at 3 pm, crying in the shower, bruises on your wrists, silences that last for days.
(i am not okay.)
blood spots beneath white paper thin skin
red cheeks and dark circles underneath eyes
i sleep,wake up, sleep, wake up.
i have nightmares where i am screaming to wake myself up, i never wake up.
my best friend calls me everyday to  make sure i am still alive and to wake  me up from the  nightmares because i can never seem to convince myself that i am dreaming.
i have a whole bottle of sleeping pills in my car, i lock the door and try to put the key somewhere i will forget about until the next day.
i don't trust myself.
this is not about him (lost love, unrequited romance, boy saves girl from herself automatically falls in love, smokes cigarettes outside the coffee shop romanticism.)
this is about a loss.
deep wounds i have never really sewn up.
 

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