I Am Not This Disorder

I laugh when people think it's not so bad

I laugh when they think it's about being neat, and therefore think they have it

I laugh when people throw the term around like it's nothing 

I laugh so I do not cry


She's the funniest

She's the prettiest 

She's the coolest 

She's the saddest


Being a prisoner of your own mind

Is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy

The ironic part is

I'm my own worst enemy


Exhaustion cannot begin to explain it

I'm sick of being tired 

I'm tired of being sick

They say walk a day in my shoes

I say survive a day in my mind


There is nowhere to run

There is nowhere to hide

This monster is on the inside 


The words, "I can't do this anymore" push me

Push me over the edge

Push me to keep fighting

Push me to fight harder


Only if my closed door could speak of what happens behind it

Only if my walls could share the secrets I've exposed to them

Only then would people have any idea


I am not my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

OCD will no longer control me

OCD will no longer scare me

It will, however, make me stronger

It will make me wiser


I wish I had known I was never alone

I wish I had known that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel

I strive to find this light that is disguised so well


I must accept that OCD will always be apart of me

But no matter how hard it tries

It will not break me 

It will not define me


I am not this disorder. 

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