I am made of home

I am made of home
Home is a kitchen covered with ugly red and white striped wallpaper
Dark green cabinets 
A mess of papers and reminders and magnets and pictures covering the fridge 
until you could no longer see its white color
The smell of homemade cheesecake with just a hint of lime zest
Making my mouth water with its perfectly hand formed graham cracker crust
Home is the itchy grass scratching at my bare feet
As I run to the other side of the yard 
Dodging cousins and out of breath with an adrenaline rush
Trying to find a hidden flag without being tagged 
Home is a baby doll named Annie
Going everywhere with me
Her belly filled with little beads
And her hard head covered with hair formed by my purple crayon
One eye about to fall out
Ugly and dirty but precious to me
Home is pretending
I'm Princess Theresa from South America
Wearing beautiful floral scarves
With a mismatched sequin skirt
Clothes fit only for a princess
I'm a little girl living on a prairie 
Wearing a floral embroidered bonnet 
With a matching floral sundress
I am the ice queen
With the power to control ice crystals
But only when wearing my snowflake pajamas
I battle the hot fire my cousin controls
The fire burns red like the pajamas he wears 
Home is twirling around the living room
like a graceful ballerina
Forgetting that I have no grace
Then growing dizzy with a headache
Until I slam my eye on the rocking chair
And it swells up, black
And I scream from the sharp pain
Quickly covering my eye with ice
Home is throwing toys out of my room angrily
When I realize I'm in trouble
Anger turns in to fear of the spanking in my future
Then the burn of the paddle makes me instantly regret my actions
I vow never to make the same mistake again
Then I do that very thing the next day
Home is playing soccer
I'm terrified to cross the white line on the freshly cut grass 
Though my coach says it's ok 
I sweat as I work hard to get the ball past the line and out of my territory
Then I wait patiently for the ball to come back 
So I can defend my territory again
Home is the taste of sparkling grape juice bubbling on my tongue
Making me feel just like the adults
Home is not understanding the sarcastic tone in my parents' voice as they say "No, you can't go to the bathroom" 
Home is having to pee so bad
When my pa(grandpa) is tickling me so much I can't speak to tell him
I'm out of breath but filled with joy
Not knowing that this is my last day with him
Tomorrow he'll be gone
Home is my grandma's smile 
Brightening my sour mood
Until my eyes fill with tears as I'm told I'll forget her
My heart longing to hold onto every moment
But the memories already fading away
Home is the sound of the words "I love you more" 
In the Beatles song "In my Life" that will forever remind me
Of my grandma's voice saying those exact words
As she wins the game of showing love
Home is Simon and Garfunkel playing on the radio
With my mom complaining about how depressing it is
I'm finding peace in its familiar sound that will always bring me back 
to the comfort and love waiting for me 
back in the home that made me
This poem is about: 
My family


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741