I see her in my sleep

I hear her when I speak

I see her in my shadow

And in the pictures of just me

I have flashbacks of those days

When all I ever thought,

That all she had to do,

Was bull her target shot

I don’t sleep well at night

Never thinking clearly when I sleep

I still pick at those “invisible” scares

That no one else seems to see

I see those scares, bruises and cuts

That I used to cover up

Thinking nobody would ever notice

I see those scares, bruises, and cuts

They are all over me.

My arms, my legs, my back, my feet

Everywhere!

I can point out those scares and tell you the full story of what happened

I know im not crazy, Im just different, I see things that you don’t, I hear things that you don’t

She will always be here, she told me herself

Not as a mother, a friend, or an angel, but as my demon or a ghost

She talks to me at night, and I talk back.

She never answers my questions, only telling me what I did wrong

Only telling me what she would’ve done, if I were to stay, if I were to have never told what she really did to me.

I can hear her whispering threw my air vent, right now, as I write. I can see her shadow at my door, waiting… what for? I don’t know…

She is there when I take a shower, she is there when im brushing my teeth, she is there when im taking a test, or simply thinking…

She whispers nasty words, she whispers words of hate, telling me that Ill end up a failure with no life…

Sometimes, I get pissed… and I ask her, where her children are? She screams in my face, because she knows im right….

I want her to go away, for good, forever, I want her to never enter my thoughts again, I want her to die, I want her to suffer a long, miserable, painful death… that would make me feel better

But then I think, im a better person than this…im a better person than her…I am not her!

Am i?

I mean, she’s everywhere I go, she’s always in my head, she’s in my shadows and she speaks when I speak…. Am I her?

I don’t understand, im Eva Rain Jobe, but maybe she is right, maybe im her… maybe, im her in my body… I don’t understand, I just want this to end, why wont it end, how can I make this all just…………………end.