People always ask me everyday, “Hey, Are you okay?” I always tell them, “Yes.” I do not want them to know how I really feel. I am in so much pain. I can’t do this anymore. My mind is full of demons I can’t fight anymore. I tried. I failed. I can’t do it alone anymore. I hurt. Everyone  I have ever loved and cared about either left me or no longer accepts me for who I used to be. I used to be happy and I used to sincerely laugh and smile. I used to have fun. Now I only act happy. I only pretend to laugh and smile. The only fun I have is when I am with my true friends. They remind me of the times in my past when I used to be happy, when I used to have fun, sincerely laugh and smile. When I am not with them, I feel all alone. I could be in a room full of people, and I would still feel alone. I have written a thousand words trying to tell people how I feel, but I am wasting away a little more every day. 

When I ask you to stay, are you going to leave me like everyone else, or will you be the first to stay and wait for me? How can you leave me like that? I thought you would stay and wait for me. You promised. I guess you are good like that. You make promises you can not keep. I feel used. You used me, didn’t you? You never saw how much I needed you. You knew I could not put anyone else above you. You knew that, I guess that's why you used me. Now there is caution tape around my heart. You lied to me. I guess I have to move on, but how can I after what you did? How does anyone expect me to move on after what you did to me? I thought we were close, but people who are close, do not do what you did to me. I never did anything to you, so why did you do that to me, and do not say you do not know what you did. You do know.

I thought I knew you, but I guess everyone is wrong every once in a while. You do not know how bad that hurt when you broke me first. You do not know what I have been through. What did you think would happen? You think I would not care what you did? What did you think would happen? Now you are suddenly asking for me back? WHere did you get the nerve? You do not care what you did or else you would not be showing me your face right now.

Loving and fighting, Joy and chaos. I can’t imagine having you back in my life. Couldn’t you hear me screaming,”Come back, I still need you?” I needed you, and you used me. You left me, and for what? Another girl? You said you loved me. I gave you my heart and you ripped it up. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? You give someone your heart, and they rip it up like it’s a piece of garbage too big to fit in the trash. 

My heart was beating fast for you. Promises you made. How can I be brave enough to ask anyone out again after the pain you caused me. I have died every day wondering what I did to you to deserve being treated the way I was. I did not want anything to take away what was standing in front of me, but now, the fucking devil can take it away for all I care, because it deserves to burn in hell for all of eternity. I loved you once. I will not make the same mistake again.  Take one step closer to my broken heart, I will rip out your heart and rip it up just like you did with mine. I loved you for a thousand years, but that ended after you abused me and shamed me for looking the way I do. 

Someone remind me what it's like to fall in love one more time. It tears me up when you tear me down. I am begging you please, just stick around. I am sorry do not leave me. I know that your love is gone. I can’t breathe. I am so weak. I know this isn’t easy. Don’t tell me that your love is gone, please. I am sorry. Don't leave me. I want someone here with me. Don’t tell me that your love is gone. I can’t breathe, I am so weak. I know this isn’t easy. Don’t tell me that your love is gone, that your love is gone.

You think you know me, but you don’t. You think you own me, but you can't control me. You push me, I will push you back. I am dangerous. I am warning you. The pain feels okay, it feels okay. You push  me back, I’ll push you back. You scream at me, I’ll scream at you. You’re not afraid of me, and I can’t convince you. The longer you stay, the more the ice is melting.

I thought I found a way. You never go away. I guess I gotta stay. I hope I make it out of here even if it takes a hundred years. I can’t fight my fear. My heart is made of glass, my mind of stone. Walking out of town, looking for a better place. I hope I make it out of here even if it takes all night. I need a place to hide, I can’t fight my fear. Tear me to pieces, like you did with my heart.  Welcome home to my mind. See what you did to me? There is the grand tour.

Someone once told me family don’t end in blood. They got your back, they care about and for each other. That’s family. You used to be the one to light the way, but now your light has faded. Just like mine. My light faded after what you did. You called me your love, now you call me the devil? You got it mixed up. I never did anything to you, so I am not the one to be called the devil. You abused me physically, emotionally, and mentally. What did I ever do to you?

I feel like I always knew you would be using me. Ain’t it funny, you abused me and yet I am in the wrong? It took you not two hours to go off and get with your abusive ex. You betrayed me and I know you will never feel sorry for the way I hurt. I guess you never cheated, but you are still a traitor. You gave me your word, but that does not matter anymore. You are still a traitor. I wish you had thought it through before I went and fell in love with you.

I do not see you how I once did. I hate myself because of you. You brought out the worst in me. I hate myself because of how you treated me. You told me lies, and I bought them like cake going out of stock. I feel hopeless. I wish people could help. Suicidal thoughts comin to me, but I don’t wanna die yet. You made me feel like my life is meaningless and hopeless. People thought you were misunderstood, but they were not dating you. I walk through my thoughts like walking on hot coals. You keep speaking to me, but I can’t take it anymore. I wish someone could help me, but they do not know how to. I hate myself for ever loving you like I did. A million thoughts in my head, should I let my heart keep listening?

My heart was near. My love has gone away. Tell me true, my love has gone away. It’s okay. I know someday I will find my heart again, but it is not going to be anytime soon. Speak to me, my love has gone away. I am tired of everything. You made me feel like I am worthless. I can’t even ask people out anymore.