how to fall out of love

how to fall out of love:


1. don't think about his eyes, even if they're the warmest caramel you've ever seen. don't think about the way they glow when the light hits them just right or the way they feel like looking into home. don't think about how calming that gold is.


2. don't steal glances at him at every possible moment. don't find excuses to re-examine for the millionth time the way his jawline angles and the way that pale skin blends in with his neck. don't remind yourself of how sensitive his neck is and wonder if his new girlfriend is ever going to notice.


3. don't wonder what they talk about. don't space out of a conversation twenty feet  away just to strain to hear his voice, no matter how much it used to sooth you.


4. for that matter, don't think about his voice. especially the voice he gets at 11 pm when he's just listening to yours, and you know he's practically using his phone as a pillow, but he insists you don't hang up. don't think about how sweet it was when he didn't want you to leave. don't think about when he said, "please don't ever leave."


5. don't look at his contact in your phone. don't stare at it and go over the digits in your head. don't memorize those numbers, or any other numbers that you remind you of him. 022217. 032317246. those numbers are not important. don't memorize them, whatever you do.


6. don't think about what could have been. don't remind yourself of what you talked about together, don't remember how you could have talked nights away or laid in silence just enjoying each other's presence.


7. try to replace him. you will fail, but you will feel like you're accomplishing something at first. fling your affections upon the first person to show you attention, and feel disgusted for assuming they have any feelings for you. realize they do have feelings for you. keep forcing feelings for them until they get hurt. nevermind, don't do that.


8. don't try to figure out why you weren't good enough. was it because you weren't attractive enough, or because you were too clingy? it's probably because you were too clingy, right? you should have shut up, he didn't mean it when he said it was cute. liar, liar liar. but you don't need to think about it, because you don't love him.


9. let your denial get so intense that you hate him sometimes. think about hurting him, and want to hurt yourself because imagining him in pain makes you want to die. think about how easily you could have manipulated him into staying with you and how pathetic you are for being too weak to be cruel. think about how it's your fault that he left, and it will always be your fault.


10. finally: don't replay the breakup over and over in your head. don't analyze every syllable for the slightest hint of regret. don't analyze every syllable for the remorse that comes with having put off a painful conversation. don't wonder how long he waited to tell you he doesn't really love you.


This poem is about: 
My family


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