How Endearing Becomes Toxicity


The first step to loving

is acceptance.

Acceptance of their actions now,

and the acceptance of their actions later.

Acceptance of one’s past,

acceptance of one’s present,

and the acceptance of one’s future;

whether that be with or without you.


But unfortunately,

many don’t know how important acceptance is.

So many people today

come from broken families,

with broken hearts,

and broken mindsets.

These people have seen love as a weapon,

not as a tool.

And those three words that hold so much

have lost their meaning,

what once was such a powerful way

of expressing your feelings

is now just a phrase to throw around.


People who don’t understand love

just want to hear those three words.

But when a fourth is tagged on,

they only hear the three words and

ignore the reason.

There’s always a reason,

since love can never be just

because they love you.


These people stand on a battlefield,

with words becoming bullets

and insults becoming armadas

against their wounded hearts and

damaged minds.

Their lover’s “sacrifices”,

as they call them,

are thrown like grenades to wreak havoc.

But they love them,

so it’s all forgiven, right?


These people stand in the wake of destruction,

their lover’s bad habits and even worse words

surrounding them like a fence.

They’re boxed into

love that isn’t love,

relationships that are prisons,

people that are deadly.

And they have no idea how to escape.


Because I Love You is so toxic,

it’s ruined how endearing it’s meant to be.

Because THEY love you,

they’ll restrict you.

Because they LOVE you,

they’ll encage you.

Because they love YOU,

they’ll make sure you never leave.

Because they want what they believe is best.

And sometimes?

The best is the worst.


This isn’t love.


This is a prison without physical bars.

This is a battlefield turned against you.

This is fire you cannot escape from.

This is a graveyard of your emotions.


Love has been changed.

Those three words are not special anymore,

after these people went through

Hell and back.

All because somebody decided that the phrase

Because I Love You

is meant to control,

not to convince.


Because I Love You is not healthy.

You shouldn’t need to convince yourself

that their inexcusable actions are suddenly



A healthy relationship requires trust.

You need to be able to be alone with your lover,

and to not fear if they’d yell

or had anything to drink.

You need to be able to be comfortable

with them,

to not fear an unexpected outburst

for a problem you did not cause.

Forgiveness is not:

“Because I love you, I did this for you.”

Forgiveness is not a hug or a kiss or more.

Forgiveness is an apology,

and not doing it again.


A healthy relationship requires communication.

You shouldn’t need to be on your lover’s clock

for your own schedule.

You shouldn’t need to assume the unspoken,

or worry about the worrying details.

You shouldn’t need to chase after them for

the answers to questions they refuse to answer.


A healthy relationship requires love.

You shouldn’t need to look for attention.

You should get their affection,

their happiness,

without asking if you messed up.

You need love for a relationship to survive.

And if they will not give you love?

That’s not a healthy relationship.

You shouldn’t need “Because I love you”

to justify that there is any love at all.



Because I Love You is poison to

love’s name.

Because I Love You is deadly to

an innocent heart.

Because I Love you is what destroys people.


But those same people keep using

the phrase as a way of saying

that disgusting behavior is suddenly ok.

Healthy relationships are natural.

They aren’t forced through threats and actions.

They come from love and acceptance.

They come from the good memories,

that don’t get overshadowed by the bad.


Because I Love You is toxic.

And is not love.


This poem is about: 
Our world


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741