I fear being in the wrong
Me, on the other end of the spectrum
And i do not do wrong very well
and bitterness coursing
shamelessly through my veins
Fighting each other for dominance.
Totally disregarding their
on my thinking
''They can't can't hurt me"
was my repetitive anthem to myself
when well-meaning people unapolopetically
slap me in the face the hard truth
In denial to the truth,
I'd build a fortress of lies and imagination
in my thinking machine
to combat the truth and to protect my obstinate heart
Scenes after scenes , I'd play in my thinking machine
where i'd have the upper hand to offend them
and feel good about it.
It replaces my carved out ego they took when they told me the truth
Intact and unbothered.
it hits me sometimes
that beyond a doubt, they a right
I resort to anger
widely opened, my heart welcomes its intrusive ways.
He jabbs a spear sluggishly
at my heart
It hurts and hurts and hurts
I'm on the brink of tears
wait, tears + me ?
an unfit pair it was.
Shoulders laid back
Head held too high
And tears flushed backward into its pent up ocean in
Cause this girl had a mission
Had a role to play
an act to show
Tis, i didn't want to hurt
Didn't want them to see me hurt
Take the bull by its horns?(chuckles)
Why take the bull by its horns
when i could ignore it to perfection
Denial is my go to friend;
The moment to truth is here,
seated before my middleground
and sandwiched between two tough choices
Two trees- were my option
Either be a dead , fruitless tree
bare of its glory, very dry and desolate
a fruitful blossoming one
A source of food
and shade for protection.
Tis the latter
A pact i made with myself
to murder my pain, my bitterness,my anger
from my negative thinking machine and heart
i opened up my heart
to my feelings
First time, i ever gave myself the go ahead to be vulnerable
All of it, i allowed myself to feel the hurt
Accept and deal with it
This time i forbade myself from holding
back the pent tears
I birthed an ocean
i mourned greatly the negative grasp
my pent up emotions had me bound by
It let it go
Fully accepting to not fear to be hurt
and to work daily for the betterment of myself.
i don't wanna be that person
That person- so self-absorbed
That person- so unforgiving
That negative person, a harborer of pain,
a finder of faults and a lover of playing the blame game
and a victim
I dare to not fear my fears
i dare to live to the fullest
I dare to spring out my bed
everyday to attack it with a sprinkle of enthusiasm
great dosage of smiles
and bountiful chunks of positivity
I dare to be something greater than myself
I dare to clean the cobwebs of depression of my head
I dare to be flawed
refusing the obsession to be perfect.
I dare to be free.
to love regardless.
I fear not to take the bull of my emotions and actions
by its horns and deal with them in the healthiest way.