Despair is when you don't line up.
It's peering deep inside yourself and seeing no hope, only darkness.
It's listening to your soul and hearing nothing good, worthy, or lovable.
It's touching your heart and feeling only hardness, selfishness and pride and finding nothing you can honestly love.
It's tasting the future and detecting lost time, wasted past potential energy, and unfulfilled goals and dreams and desires.
It's breathing in you and breathing out words, lies, an elaborate facade designed to make everyone you know think you are perfect, good, kind, selfless, lovely.
Inside you know it's untrue. But if they knew they would leave you. You would leave you too, if you could.
Hopelessness is knowing you can't change.