Getting out of the car, I felt great, more like myself, but the higher I went the higher I got.
The hike was a blur, I couldn’t even see my own hands.
The mountain ate me and the sun swallowed me whole with its heat.
I should feel happy, relaxed, and carefree, but I felt none of those things.
I felt small, fragile, and vulnerable.
I couldn’t control my body, my face, my heart rate, my breathing.
I couldn’t control anything, but yet I looked happy on the outside.
Inside I was in a dark room with no light.
The walls began to close in as I screamed to the top of my lungs.
I was a monster on the inside of that room.
I was trying to claw my way out.
The monster came out for all to see.
The monster cried, screamed, and yelled.
She even made up words and played them inside of my head.
She played with my sight, hearing, she played me.
I can’t even tell what is real or imaginary anymore.
I was scared, it was dark, and I couldn’t open my eyes.
The monster had control of my mind, my body,
But I’ll be damned if she takes my soul.
My soul was not up for sale.
The monster had its reign,
But once I came back into control
The monster was locked away,
The screams were gone, but left a sharp pain in its wake.
The darkness was drained from me.
But the only thing that remained was my embarrassment.
It was there to stay.
At the end of it all, I was asked
“Hey, I came by to see how you were feeling?”