She wonders what that woman was but a miserable pile of secrets of lies of methods to survivie in a world that could care less if she lived to see another day

Wonders why her lips stayed seeming adhered together and allowed her voice to manage to run away

Wonders why thing out of her control would weigh ever so heavily  on her wonders why wonders why the foot print on her back was ever so hard to shake  to get away from when she knew for a fact that it was never meant to be fashioned for her brash but went so well with her everything else

She was tired and exhausted  she managed to inhale her every inhibtion  wishing praying hoping only to rid herself of them  to break free but only had power enough in the end to exhale cush smoke

heavy with the could have beens of yesterday should have beens of today and waiting to meet tomrrow with a grimace aremed with brass knuckles and everything everyone said she should have been

this eveing the daughter will sit out on her fire escape staring up at those tragic luminaries reminising in how many tikmes that gave her reason the be scared of the darkness

Wondering what that woman was but a misreable pile of secrets  or revalations and epihpanies  and lessons shes was ever to young to learn so well comprehend so early that was mom

Now the daughter is finding herself beging to wonder why every time she looks in the mirror the image is either getting blurrier or vague outlines of monsters are staring back at her

Wonders why shes not strdier in what should be moral conviction

She grew up watching her mother mature into what she should have been grew up watching mean use her backbone to pick their teeth with

And for thsat her mom always proved to be strong a woman  proved to her that though at moment when your mouth  is forced to be adhered seeming ly forver stogethr  it doesnt mean it shouldnt be stuck in a grin

Doesnt mean your cheecks shouldnt be foreced up because what they do is the block out all the ugly flying twoards your pupils mom used to say

And the pain that could be hitting from all directions istead they will ricothe  off your cheeckd  and will never be able to hurt you

her mother died 3 weeks ago , She burried her tuesday  and now as she lkookss back on the parts of her mothers life she was around for dhe realizes that miserable pile of secrets was an open book she was to scared to venture into