your presence opened up a new ray of sanguinity
that enveloped my soul into a layer of diminished sanctuary
that i embraced wholeheartedly and nourished like a decaying flower
perchance you will listen to this confession of affection and devotion
that i have been suppressing in my bosom in hopes that it
will never be discovered and manipulated with a reckless revelation
one that lacks the adoration i feel for you. this piece that i have penned that confesses my hearts thoughts.
the day we met was an allegorical euphoria that has latched
its claws into my psyche, creating a form of insanity
that cannot be cured and creates a multitude of
ferocious innervations i can't seem to shed off.
our eyes unite and create a unique connection
that slowly creeps into my brain and suffocates
the rational lot in order to make space for the
childish and pure emotions that can't seem to stop
when i look at you
i see the sun cast a radiance upon you
that only a fool like me could see.
the stars and moon
collide to gape and awe in
the pleasurable and angelic shadow
who stays ignorant of the dissension
that is occuring inside my thoughts
which are filled with him.
this maddening illness
will guide my self restraint and rationalism
into a pit in hell where they will dissolve
and cease to prevail.
but i know i cannot meet your eyes
without the feeling of inferiority
and i cannot smile without
cringing at my insecurities
that follow my body around like a
dark cloud that repels the
compliments and assurances that
many throw at me.
the laughter and smiles that
i use to cover up the cowardice
and loneliness inside.
my soul knows the truth
that you will not be able
to accept the broken
and pathetic individual
i have to admire you from
a distance in order to not stain
the pure glass that is you.
i have to keep my distance in
order to keep myself from breaking
the excruciating sorrow of witnessing
our nonexistent connection whither
sharply slits all of me.
my nativity assures me there is
some part of you that cares
a blot of optimism forms and creates
a miniature form of security.
your heart is hardened unconsciously
sealing away any form of desire that
might accidentally liquidate from my marrow
adding on to the toughness and simultaneously
whispering doubts and curses in your ears about me
this type of adoration is suicidal,
withering away any sanity and security
that enveloped the casing of my lucid mind
and prevented the heartbreak that you have
all i wish is the gesture of affection that i give
to be returned with a reaction,
a sign that will tell me
if this is love or insanity.