Heads Up

Hey, Nick! I mean...Nicole. 

That's not going to be your name for much longer but we'll get into that later

Remember good ole twenty fifteen? 

Twenty-sixteen is like that but with a swirling vortex of terror

I guess I should start off by warning you of the friends that are going to visit you

you'll see some familiar faces like depression, self-harm, and anxiety

along with some new faces! dysphoria, drinking, and panic attacks

You'll start a youtube channel in January so good for you

You'll start your college readiness program in the summer and that's also the time you'll begin to question your gender identity

Spoiler alert: it's going to be hell

The good news is you'll be able to meet new people, gain mentors, and present one of your poems in the talent show that's ironically about social anxiety

You'll begin to think you're a monster and hate your body while being incredibly confused all the time and not being able to articulate how you feel

but there is good news: your roommate is stellar. 

After the program, you're going to come home and realize you're actually a guy!

I know this is all confusing for you and you're probably thinking, "but I'm okay with being a girl".

Well you'll find out nothing stays the same

But Bastille came out with a new album that's AWESOME so fair trade?

You'll go to school and worry about bathrooms, a few teachers will still call you by your birth name, but it will be okay

because you have actual friends and youtube and oh...

remember your ex?

Yeah, you guys get back together

...for like a month

It's as if your unlovable isn't it?

Think that was harsh? Wait until you're trans. You really don't want to hear the voices then

After the break up is when you'll really start to see our old friends again. 

You'll also be in a play and have to wear a skirt 

You'll wear your hair in a bun every day because you can't stand to look at yourself with your hair down

you will get a hair cut in November and actually be able to pass somewhat

Because of your screwed up mental health, it's going to be so hard for you to keep up with grades

Some days it will be too much and you'll barely be able to talk or focus

Don't worry though, besides your inner turmoil, the state of our country, and, literally, everything becoming an issue

(don't believe me go in the comments section of youtube)

But I'm always going to be here. Even if worst comes to worst.

You know why?

Becuase you stayed alive for me. It's our life and it's the only one we get. 

I owe it to you and our future. 

Just thought I'd give you a heads up




This poem is about: 


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