Happy New Year

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"Happy New Year!" they greet me.

"Happy New Year." I greet back.

It's only courtesy

But do they really wish me well?

Oh how I wish I could tell

The sad truth of the world being you'll never really know

You'll never know the true intentions of another's heart,

And who could blame you?

All they've ever uttered out loud could be easily mistaken for art

The sweetest most beautiully wrapped words you've ever heard

Can you be blamed for believing such beauty?

Could you be blamed for being fooled by hidden ugly?

 

I dare you not to think too much, 

Oh yes, it's of the most difficult of dares to follow,

To go throughout the day with not a single thought on your mind,

Don't think I've forgotten the one's you think before you sleep at night, 

Or if you ever, for I know all too well, 

Sometimes you need a heavy spell to put you out like a light,

All I see are bright street lights,

Oh how they blind me. 

My little sister always said I could never see past me,

I never knew what she meant, or maybe I just never listened,

Oh how I wish I would've payed attention,

Maybe then, maybe just maybe, 

I wouldn't be such a mess.

 

Spending a New Year walking past closing doors that only open if I've got enough to spare,

Spending a New Year walking past the aggravated seasonal greeters blowing air,

Spending a New Year sharing the same want's as their's,

Spending the New Year's longing to go home.

"Happy New Year's." they greet me.

I don't reply this time,

I look up to catch a glimpse of a smile,

I ignore the sour drops of pity hanging from the ends of their curved lips,

Maybe they know,

Maybe they have a right to pity me, 

For their home is much closer to them then it is for me,

Maybe they know I'm a very long way from home.

"Happy New Year!" they greet me, this time with much more enthusiam.

I keep myself busy by fumbling with the strings of my coat but they see right through me,

Those tired eyes know tired,

They know the only thing I'm fumbling over is happy,

For my lips must've mechanically recited the greeting,

And like a foreigner, I must have over pronounced the vowels of a new language, of a new word

 

Happy

A word my self has hardley seemed to have felt, 

I'm suprised I still remember how it's spelled.

 

God, I was lost inside my own mind for too long I didn't even notice,

I'm getting closer to the end of the empty road.

 Lost inside my own mind for too long I don't even notice.

 

"H-A-P...P-Y" I spell. 

My heart may forget but my mind still remembers.

My heart may forget how it feels, but my mind still remembers the time that made it feel, happy.

"No.." I tell myself.

Yes, I speak to myself now.

Sometimes my inner voice just isn't very loud

I hope my voice never goes silent

Who then would remind me?

Remind me to not question whether the fact my heart is numb to happy

But my mind's an expert at reminding, is a good thing or a bad thing?

Even though I've already answered that question twice

Even though I already said that last time was the last time

I remember last time brought me right here.

 

My little sister always said I could never see past me, 

I wish I could've seen her before she past me,

"H-A-P..P-Y," I spell as I sit in dewy wet grass.

My little sister always told me to always remember to be the word, I've kept my word

You know I've kept my word, my loophole keeps my word

You see that's the thing about loopholes, you swear to never use them but then you use them

Loopholes, you swear you're using them but it starts to seem like their using you

Loopholes, looped perfect sized holes in your hands where your ownership used to be

Loopholes take advantage of the fact that you don't know what to do

It's hard to fight for the reigns when you haven't even noticed they've been taken away,

Or maybe I was too focused on the fact that someone else was taken away,

My little sister was taken away from me

How am I suppose to be happy when that was you?

You were, are, and will always be the word, 

When they took you away, they took happy too,

They took my...

 

Happy

My mind will continue to remember the word, 

But my heart has gone far too long to know it's face anymore. 

 

 

 

 

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