There's a person sitting right behind me
And I can feel their eyes piercing through the back of my head
Looking at my scalp
The part with no hair
The part that I was pulling at for two hours last night
Most people just look
And they don't ask any questions
They don't ask me if I am okay
They don't ask me if i need help
People assume that because they have never seen it before that they should keep their mouths shut.
I've been suffering from this disorder for as long as I can remember
The first memory I have is from when I was only five years old,
Pulling and pulling and pulling.
And I've been working on this
I’ve been trying so hard to stop but nothing is working.
I feel so isolated when I am sitting in a classroom full of students.
I feel like there's nobody else there except me...
And my hands and my head
And the only thing I can think of doing is putting my hands in my hair
And pulling and pulling.
And all I can think about all day long is pulling.
And when I have a test all I can think of is pulling...
And I forget the answers
And all I can see is hair.
Hair on the ground,
Hair surrounding me.
Hair has engulfed me in its ways.
Hair has taken over my life.
And I know there are people out there who say
“I am not my disorder”
But i am my disorder. I am.
Trichotillomania: a compulsive desire to pull out one's hair