As I wake I yearn to hear your voice
But once again I’m sadistically greeted by silence.
The loudest silence I’m sure I’ve ever heard.
These walls never seemed so close.
These walls never seemed so bare.
As I wake I yearn to feel your touch
But once again I’m left with only emptiness.
No fingerprint traces visible anywhere
No carefully bagged evidence of remains.
As the day goes on I simply long to express this profound guilt
This boulder of utterance composed of constructed vowels and consonants
How silly those two words that weigh so much can be
A tiring pair to remind me day by day of how I failed you.
I don’t want you back forever; “in a better place” you certainly belong
I want you back today only
So you can hear all that I didn’t say before.
As I prepare to end this day alone once more
All I’m truly wishing for is: time.
Time, you said, “doesn’t stop for anyone darling”
Oh how I wish I never heard those words
For now when I think of your once beating heart
I can’t help but feel selfish.
Today I take the dusty, dirt-filled time ticker off the wall
I carefully remove the batteries and open the book you so strongly worshipped.
Neatly stacked along with the others,
In no way creased, crinkled, or crumbled
The pages smell of new.
As I lay in bed I long to hold you in my arms
I clench your memory deep in my heart
And I say out loud for the world and beyond to hear
“I’m sorry, I appreciate you, and I adore you.”
I just wish it were you and not these walls to hear it.
These walls that never seemed so close.
These walls that never seemed so bare.