Looking through the lens of my childhood self ...the world was iridescent
It had knowledge shining from all corners of the world
And each day more wisdom was gained by me, this little girl.
My mind and thought process at the time was much more simple.
My thoughts were filled with creativity, so imaginative and nimble
They raced back and forth through my brain, till they got sick of the place and found an exit
My mouth, aka their drain!.
Now isn’t it amazing how a child can speak their mind
Not fearing consequences or judgment of any kind
Just absolutely ignorant ...viewing the world in their own design
and being fearless without even trying.
At around 12 while I was going through puberty
I lost my ability to speak... I was still able to talk but the words I wanted to say just wouldn’t come out
I was weak…
You see the teacher in the system didn’t see my potential
So she made it an effort to make sure I knew I wasn’t influential
“You sound dumb”, “you don’t catch on fast” “you’re future seems dark” … you get the drift
And above all else, I was the only one in the class she talked to like this.
I was scared to tell my parents knowing my mom would make a scene
But for 3 years constantly reminding myself of my insignificance was a daily routine
I despised looking at my body as it grew, my shape began to change along with my voice
Everything felt different to the point where I felt like an alien inside my own body.
That is until I met Ms. Davidson
She exuded confidence and strived to make us girls feel comfortable in our skin
I admired her and dreamed of being like her, and to this day I am so grateful for her.
She saw in me something I didn’t see in myself and gave me life lessons I’ll never forget
I was book smart but refused to interact in class
seeing my opinion as unneeded and thinking someone else would say it and it would pass
but she taught me that my words and opinions are my own and showed me the significance
which in no time it had grown.
I knew the values my words held and could stand firm on my two feet again.
It wasn’t an easy process and took me months of reprogramming my brain and behavior
but as I grew the old me became a stranger.
With my teacher's help, I realized how much I changed and how much I can change
for the first time in a long time, I was excited about the future
excited to see what I would and could become
I had a new state of mind that encourages the child within me
It is good to grow you discover new things about yourself and for me
I realized how important it is to love yourself.
you see self-love is something that everyone talks about nowadays
that some people are even calling a trend but
It’s so important to give yourself that love you deserve
to have your own back through the worst of the worst.
I was able to apologize to that little girl and tell her that her words and future belong to her
I was able to grow and accomplish more even get into college
I went beyond my expectations and I’m continuing on my journey
filled with more love for myself so that no one can hurt me.