I stared out the window
at the grey shroud 
lapping against the glass
I didn't know what time it was
or how long I had been on the couch
I'd been held captive by the sharpness of tongues
that slit my veins with loathing and tainted blood
blood tainted with hatred... my blood
you're a worthless pathetic tramp
I drank away from the disdain that haunted my soul
but I couldn't escape 
escape the relentless barrage of maliciousness
no matter how hard I tried to shut them out
their voices were all I could hear now
the scars may have healed and the bruises faded
but the claws of hate and rejection dug deep within my flesh
and never let go
every spiteful sentiment struck
with more force than the most violent of blows
each degrading remark and estimation of worthless
broke me in half
you aren't important
there'd been a time
when I almost convinced myself 
that my accomplishments and determination 
would silence their malice
but I'd given up
I couldn't say the exact moment that it happened
perhaps it was the second that...
or maybe it was before then
but now, in my isolation, the whispers found me 
you don't care about anyone other than yourself
I stared out into the distance
beckoned by the roaring of the waves
the only sound loud enough to mask 
what were now sickening screams
I walked on
through the clouds that swept against my skin
you took him from me
I stood at the waters edge 
enraptured by the fury rushing to shore
the rolling wave cresting before crashing in on itself
in a maddening tumble 
sweeping under my feet
pulling me into the shifting sand
the rippling surface seduced with its curling fingers 
tempting me
you should never have been born
I took a step
and began walking toward the grey horizon
that seamlessly melded with the dark water 
my chin quivered as the tears washed over my face
turbulent waves pushed me back toward the shore
going farther and father out to sea
letting the water overtake me
all I had to do was breathe 
and I would be gone...


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