As a boy I was always told to get a great career and always make sure that I am on the path towards success.
As a teen I was told to stay out the streets, keep my head in the books, and to do my best.
As a man I am being told that I have to know what I am doing because everything is a test.
Damn, when can I get any rest? My heart is feeling uneasy inside of my chest.
Life feels like a race and it has no room for appreciation of what I do have.
No breaks. No time to mess up, because life has no retakes.
Why is it not okay if I do not know what I want to do?
It's okay if I mess up, or have a couple of setbacks, because who ever made it out of this life alive?
What is it that I want? What is it that makes me strive? What is it that makes me feel alive?
Because right now I feel dead. I can feel my heart pumping and my brain is still working inside of my head, but there is no color in my eyes.
I want that freedom that a bird haves when it first take it's leap into the endless sky.
I want that rush I get when I see a shooting star shoot across a sea of stars that are shining their hardest.
It's good to be alive, but when life becomes more of a burden than an experience, then I am doing something wrong.
I am tired of being held down by things in life that should not matter so much. I want to live my life to the fullest, the way that I want to live it.
If I get my college degree, then I get it. If don't get it, then I don't give a shit.
If I fail life's test, well, then I know I still gave it my best.
Why is life so complex? Why do I make it this way? I know it will become simple someday.
As I sit here and write this at 2 o'clock in the morning I can feel a weight of some sort lift off of my shoulders. I felt like I was being held down by 200 pound boulders.
So this is freedom? So this the beginning of a new life? Because It sure does feel good.