Getting Weight Off Of My Chest at 2am

As a boy I was always told to get a great career and always make sure that I am on the path towards success. 

As a teen I was told to stay out the streets, keep my head in the books, and to do my best. 

As a man I am being told that I have to know what I am doing because everything is a test. 

Damn, when can I get any rest? My heart is feeling uneasy inside of my chest. 

Life feels like a race and it has no room for appreciation of what I do have. 

No breaks. No time to mess up, because life has no retakes.

Why is it not okay if I do not know what I want to do? 

It's okay if I mess up, or have a couple of setbacks, because who ever made it out of this life alive? 

What is it that I want? What is it that makes me strive? What is it that makes me feel alive?

Because right now I feel dead. I can feel my heart pumping and my brain is still working inside of my head, but there is no color in my eyes. 

I want that freedom that a bird haves when it first take it's leap into the endless sky. 

I want that rush I get when I see a shooting star shoot across a sea of stars that are shining their hardest. 

It's good to be alive, but when life becomes more of a burden than an experience, then I am doing something wrong. 

I am tired of being held down by things in life that should not matter so much. I want to live my life to the fullest, the way that I want to live it. 

If I get my college degree, then I get it. If don't get it, then I don't give a shit. 

If I fail life's test, well, then I know I still gave it my best. 

Why is life so complex? Why do I make it this way? I know it will become simple someday.

As I sit here and write this at 2 o'clock in the morning I can feel a weight of some sort lift off of my shoulders. I felt like I was being held down by 200 pound boulders. 

So this is freedom? So this the beginning of a new life? Because It sure does feel good. 

This poem is about: 
My family
My community
My country


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