Gaslight
Because I love You,
I get to abuse you and call it tough love.
I will teach you to fear me
and I will fool you into thinking
that your fear is in fact a form of respect.
You will do as I say
not because you respect me
but because I've insilled fear into your heart.
You'll never mess up,
and even though you're only six my love,
you will walk about this earth as a perfectionist
after my years of "home training."
And when you ask
"Mommy why?"
I'll say "because I love you."
Because he loves me,
he text me every hour that we're apart.
He's convinced me that clingly is cute-
romantic even.
He will tell me to cover up before I leave the house.
Not because it's cold out,
but in fear that another man may look my way,
and steal whats his,
my heart; a product with his name on it.
I will put his name in my bio
to brand his name onto my profile.
Because if I dont,
he'll get mad.
His insecurities will eat him alive
and come back to haunt me
with a slap to the face.
When I ask "why?"
He'll say "Because I love you."
"Because I love you."
"Because I love you."
Empty words, full of excuses.
If you love me,
why do I feel this way?
Stuck inside this mentality,
that something is wrong with me and not you?
Stuck with this idea
that every screw up is not an oppritunity to learn,
but a reason to put myself down.
A reason to feel as if I am worthy
of your hurtful words
that sting like alcohol open wound.
Your words that hurt but
are followed up by a warning and a
"because I love you."
Blurring my vision of what love really is.
Gaslighting me.
And now
this is the only form of "love"
that I am familiar with.
I think this is what love is.
And it's overrated.