At the age of 12 I start to cut myself with the blade thinking if I would cut deeper the pain of my crazy mind would all go away at 16 I had my first suicide attempt the first time I was put in a insane asylum if only they knew what was in my mind maybe they could understand maybe they can also see the shadows that follow at 18 was the very first time I starved myself thinking if I could look like the girl on the magazine someone would love me I still punish my body for being a mess days of endless struggle more hopeful pills today trying to appear normal when deep inside all I want to do is die the funny thing is I probably wouldn’t even be here now if it wasn’t for the guilt if only my family knew how bad I am crying out at the age of 21 I finally found what I was looking for in the back of the alleys thinking this is what love may be as she pimps me out at the the age of 22 I found myself with two black eyes on a daily she told me she loved me each time she would do it even the time she threw boiling hot water on my skin, I remember when she put her hands around my neck until I was unconscious at 23 was my very first time trying coke she said if I really loved her I would try melt when I didn’t want to she  tried to kill me I know that this poem might be to much to hear but tonight is the night I lay here lifeless at the age of 25 a single teardrop just streamed down my face my silent screams are now unnoticed I feel the warmth upon my face as I enter the land of gods good grace finally I am free finally I can feel love