I reply with a "REST IN PEACE" when someone brings your name up,

I mean, I might as well...

You've been dead to me for 18 years.

Or have I been dead to you?

Does your rib cage try to barricade the heart wrenching whispers that echo in your chest?

I bet it does, cause the only thing that ever gives you a change of heart is the last swig of that 40 huh?

My pain channels through this pen,

Can you feel it?

Can you rest in the presence of my restless nights?

Not even the repetitive counting of sheep helped me sleep.

Eyes wide open, car lights would shine through my blinds.

A simple thought in a young boys mind,

Did he come back for me?

No,

How could he miss someone he's never known?

Maybe I don't miss my father, maybe just the idea of him.

I gave up on chasing my imagination,

something that has never been there.

In your absence, I have learned the true meaning of

love, strength, kindness, patience, loyalty, and forgiveness,

I could name the list on and on, but I'll stop there.

My love and strength is from Him,

My kindness and patience is gained from His Word,

My loyalty is to My Lord,

And through me being forgiven,

I have forgiven you.