Forgive Him?

I know that you yearn for my forgiveness
without you even knowing.
And I want you to know that I attempt to do so
every night that you don't care
and every morning that you curse my name.
Pastor preached his words that I nodded to
with a raised brow in confusion.
Love thy enemy?
Forgive what he has done?
I probably need God to slap me just one time
so that I can internalize this principle correctly.
All of these demons were left behind inside of me
just like how he left me for not allowing him to
be inside of me -- and with every drop of wine that is sipped,
with every pair of jeans that are unzipped after a long day,
I did nothing but pray that I would wake up with amnesia.
Both your long, sweet kisses and your disgusting ways
needed to be forgotten, but not yet forgiven. My heart
was once forbidden to relieve itself
because my mind wouldn't let it.
You and I both know that you have poisoned me
with hatred that I used to love even more than
I loved you.
Hatred was always there when I needed to be comforted,
but now that time has passed, I now cast that hate
into the recycling bin because I have a feeling that it's gonna be used again. But I know it'll stop when I let forgiveness in.
It's funny to think that I saw it as a sin to let the villain
in my story get off completely scotch free without feeling anything but peace. If only you were here to see this slow down to cease.
I want to be me again, but I can't quite remember
where all of my love went.
I know YOU didn't get all of it because if you did,
I wouldn't have enough to hope for the next man
whose intensions seem more appropriate.

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