Why is time ticking like this?
I hope you can forgive my stuttering pride, for I’m just not sure what I feel anymore.
I have found that certain things tick like gears, and there’s no stopping what fate has designated for the future.
& fate believes in numbers.
That’s what fate is about.
Numbers.

How many heartbreaks before resolution?
How many sleepless nights?
How much ink spilt poems wasted on a boy who wouldn’t even dare to read the hurt he inflicted on the one he once swore to love? To never let go of.
How many wasted years and tears as black as ash? How many?
How many numbers until fate releases you?

I do not wish to see you in the sky, or crush my mind with thoughts of “what more could I have done?”

Because the answer is nothing. I poured myself into you and you guzzled me like you were dying of thirst. There’s nothing left I can give you.

Why is time ticking like this? Frozen in suspended air, never lurching backwards to where I was yours

& never throwing me forward enough for fate to designate that your number in my life is up.

So please forgive my stuttering pride while it’s stuck in limbo, you see you fed it garbage and it never stood a chance.