You hold your head up high, even when you are young

Because if you look down in fear, the crown will slip off

Jewels and diamonds don’t belong on a child’s head

But your family said you would grow into them

Still, patience never was your forte 

So you sit on the tall throne and soothe yourself with promises of riches and success

The years pass

And you promise that things will get better.

There’s something missing in your slow beating heart

You brush it off as power-lust

That inexplicable craving for more, more, more

Most children haven’t had their lives planned out for years

Don’t call it trauma

Just say that you’re special

Special?

Isn't that what they called you from the ripe age of five?

In a small class room, with Bible verses taped to the walls and written on the chalkboard 

Aren't you special?

Not that your faith is lacking

But you feel a little helpless these days, as though God has given you a pat on the head

"You're fine on your own, let me tend to the others"

Haven't they always said that to you?

Because of how much you read in second grade, you can speak like an adult at age nine

Sitting in a slowly breaking, public school blue chair, reciting vocabulary words just to prove that you really are smart

That you really are special 

Never a child, always the queen on a chess board

A queen with a lopsided crown, decorated with plastic jewels

Get drunk on the power that you hold

Find yourself losing touch on top of the world

Doubting what everyone said you were

Because weren't you supposed to be special?

How do you expect to run the world, to become influential and essential 

When you don’t even know who you are

Some queen you’ll be, some power you hold

Haven’t you guessed it?

You are a joke

Go ahead, special, gifted, golden child,

Throw your crown aside, littering the shiny floors with its cheap beads 

Drown in wine, the red wine that coats your body like your own thinning blood

Fall to your knees, muttering a prayer you don't mean because 

The church said that you were fine

Beg for forgiveness in an empty aisle, crushed green carpet and all

Clutching a Bible in one hand

A textbook in the other

They're becoming equal in your eyes

Didn’t you see what happened to Marie

You’re not a queen

You’re just a girl

A stupid little girl

Who thinks she can play god.

Everyone said you would be a saving grace, the last connection to both Heaven and Hell 

Fed the finest fruits, clothed in purple silks

Everyone would praise your name

Little savior child

Do you even know your name?

A talent, a trophy 

Disowned, disavowed

You just can’t take the worship, you just can’t stand the fame

Up on your pedestal

The stars are so far

But so is home

Whatever and wherever that is

All the idols come from broken pasts, with a blurry idea of their childhood

Again, whatever that is.

Success is all you were ever taught to crave

Money and power and a better life

More, more, more

Your champagne is starting to taste like bitter greed

Push harder, work harder, never let them see you cry or try

You’re better than that, you're better than them

Do these empty swears ever ring true?

You were meant to be a queen, wearing pure silver and hand-me-down heels

To change the world, to bring some honor to your name

Just so that someone could know you outside of a farmer's market and a surname

You were meant to be a god

To know so much more than that tiny little kid should 

You are just a girl

Without a purpose, without control.

Oh child

When will you realize 

There’s no shame in letting go of your crown and power

I know you won’t

Because you are convinced that the whole world will see you fall from the Heavens

And be rejected from even Hell.