"The F-Word" (Behind the Curtain Scholarship)

Popular.

That's me.

I have a lot of friends

I'm confident in myself

I star in plays and musicals and I have a good GPA

I think I have solid future ahead of me

But

There's this side of me that only a few people know well

Some have seen glimpses of it, but most have no clue

You see, I have this deep, dark secret

Something I've been holding in for a while now

Something no one seems to expect from a person like me

 A "popular girl"

But it's who I am, who I really am

And I think it's time the world knew.

 

I am the f-word.

 

I.

Am.

A.

Fangirl.

 

That's right.

A fangirl.

And I don't care who knows, I will scream it to the damn mountaintops!

 

All this time

I concealed who I was with double social media accounts

One for the "normal" me

One for..... the other side

I hid my merchandise when my friends came over

My wand

My Ravenclaw hat

My devil's trap box

My golden snitch

I told my parents I needed money for theatre-related costumes

Because I was too embarrassed to say the word "cosplay"

I was desperate

I pretended for so long to be "normal"

...

But who the hell wants to be "normal"?

That's right, I am a proud owner of every single Harry Potter book and movie

And I know them by heart,

Because "Of course it is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" (Dumbledore)

That's right, I devoured comic books as a young girl

And a teenager

And yesterday

Because as Elektra said, "You're a part of that world. And you love it."

That's right, I watched every episode of Supernatural in a month

And I loved every second of it

And yes, I am fine and undamaged from it

"I swear, the next person that asks me if I'm okay, I'm gonna start throwing punches." (Dean Winchester)

That's right.

I write fanfiction

And damn good fanfiction

I draw fan art

And people like it and people tell me they like it

I have a million OTPs and I speak shipping language fluently

"Have you read that new destiel slash 10k WIP hs fluff AU on Ao3?"

That's right.

I am a fangirl

And let me tell you something

If you don't like it

If I don't fit your stereotype of popular girl

If you think my feeling so deeply about things that only exist on paper or in our minds conflicts with my eligibility to be cool

If my license to go to parties and have "normal" encounters is revoked by your judgment,

well

You better start running.

'Cause I have a wand from Diagon Alley, a hand-crafted alethiometer, a phaser set on kill; I have the one ring to rule them all, a clockwork angel tied round my neck, all the blue meth you could ever want, a free pass to Narnia, and a blue box waiting outside; I know how to excorsise demons by heart (Exorcisamus te, bitch), and how to figure you out in a single look, thanks to Sherlock Holmes, and I don't care if you think it's lame because, and I quote Rick Grimes, "This isn't a democracy anymore."

I have these people, these characters who I've met in stories and legends standing by my side because they are part of me now

Because I experienced something so wholly that it changed me as a person

Because that is what it means to be a fangirl

And I am proud to say that I am a fangirl

I am not a mere muggle.

I am a demi-god.

I am Divergent.

I am a tribute.

I am a Time Lord.

I am Michael's vessel.

And I am a fangirl

because screw your standards; I can love what I love and still be cool

I am a superhero

and I have a secret identity that I am ready to reveal

 

Because it is about damn time.

 
 

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