Walking slowly, earbuds turned all the way up
Running quickly from the mentors in my head, chasing me.
The bad Decisions,
the good Decisions.
Anxiety yelling I'm never good enough-
so I strive for perfection beyond excellence.
Mood Disorder, sneering about my unpredictability.
Depression saying lacking excellence and lacking predictability makes me hopeless.
All while the only trait they all agree I'm good at, music, remains my stronghold.
Anxiety pushes me to make decisions any sane person would never make.
Pushes me beyond my ability.
Forcing me to attain the unattainable perfection,
if I don't, they will laugh and look down on me.
I stretch to sleepless nights and obsessive behaviors to please
this yelling mentor, Anxiety, who will push me beyond my new-found limits.
Mood Disorder pushes me to erratic behoviors, all which I learn from.
The car accidents, the fights, the drugs, the alcohol, the sex -
every decision I learn from.
The long days of sleeping, fighting anxiety, the self isolation -
every moment I learn more about myself and less about who I am.
I quiver in the presence of such an ominous mentor sneering,
"You'll never know what you will do next!", pushing me to learn from my mistakes
Depression pushes me into a dark cavern saying I'll never be able to light it.
Hopeless, worthless, without beauty, without ability.
I always light the cavern, but Depression shrouds me from the light.
Telling me to light layer after layer of the tunnel I look at my reflection through.
In retrospect I see I can do hard things even when I think I can't.
Depression says "You aren't needed", but everytime I try and go away, I come back needed even more.
Music, showing me how talented I am and opening doorways,
despite my harsh mentors standing in the threshold, Music escorts me through.
A guardian angel, teaching me to navigate these monsters, these other mentors,
has given me a way to cope with them all and take the positive from the negative experience.
She says, "You can do it.", with a smile and carries me when I can't stand all the yelling and sneering.
All these entities, they all help me grow
All these entities, they all help me gain experience.
All these entities, they all show me I can.
All these entities, they all navigate me through life.
Thank you, Anxiety, Mood Disorder, Depression, and Music
for making me the woman I am today.
The one who defies odd and excels, even when she can't see that she does.
If you ask me how I did it, I wouldn't be able to tell you.
But those entities, these mentors, got me here.