As I think to myself
Not Real as in
Not Real as in
Did I really overdose on anxiety meds?
Of course Time is real. Last year, I cried
Fourty four nights. Sometimes in the arms of my now
Ex- boyfriend. Yet these nights were usually alone.
Last year, 365 days ago, I threw a bottle into the ocean with my
Aching heart written all on a piece of paper
Yelling, screaming and fighting down to the bottom of how
My dad had to just up and
a year before that.
Last year, I found myself driving
A little too fast and
A little too angry for somebody
Who got hit on by another somebody who was twice her age.
Last year, I watched as the tides moved and wondered
Just how could something so beautiful
So. Many. Lives.
Am I just as beautiful and treacherous? Do I make men crumble
With my touch and then leave them when they ache for more?
Do I make my brothers proud with how successful I am in school
Just to disappoint them again that I really don’t know what I’m doing
or where I want to go or what I’m doing with all of
Do I do this?
Do I do this Still?
365 Days ago. Last year.
Am I still doing right with my time?
Is this right?
Or am I now feeling happy again. Feeling triumphant
Feeling accomplished because I know that I don’t need boys or men or guys who are kinda sort men
To validate me. To please me or expect me to please them.
Can I now say that I feel ok with my singing and now know that it’s
Not melancholic or sad or breaking my mom’s heart anymore?
Is it fine for me to recognize that I am flawed yet beautifully made
Exactly where I need to be and exactly doing what I should be doing
Not by God’s grace and not by the professor that says that I should be doing more
In what is, now, I smile. I smile so bright that the people who told me that
My dreams are too big for somebody of the likings of me are now seeing another girl who
Can. And Will. And Does.
That I am not another girl from the suburbs who will accept her fate
As being somebody who is complacent and will be ok with what
Was. About a year ago.
Around 365 days ago
Different. I’m different.
I think so…
My question now is with Time. Yes, Father Time himself.
If I am so much more improved since
365 days. This time last year.
When is your Time going to come?