I literally let you do it again 

And again 

And again 

And again 

And again 

And again 

And again. 

Tell me you love me 

And me believe it. 

But this time I let you go 

For three years 

And then you came back. 

when you left the first time 

All I wanted 

Was for you to come back 

But you moved on 

And you forgot who I was 

so I decided I needed to do that too. 

For three years, 

I still longed to hear you say 

that you made a mistake. 

I dated someone else, 

But he never filled the hole 

that was left in my heart 

When you walked away from me 

All those years ago. 

I wondered 

Daily 

If it would ever be me and you again. 

And I had the same dream 

Every night 

That you came knocking on my door 

With a look on your face 

That screamed 

“I finally figured it out, 

I LOVE YOU”

And I would slam the door in your face 

But open it right back up 

And jump into your arms 

Because you came back 

To me. 

And then I’d wake up. 

After three years 

You found me 

At a party 

In my new town 

That belonged only to me 

And not to you 

But you still found me. 

And you came up to me and you said 

Hello and held out your hand 

And my heart was about to explode 

Out of my chest 

But I chugged one down real fast 

And said hello back. 

You were back. 

And we talked all night 

But mostly I yelled 

Because I hate you 

But I love you 

And I’ve missed you 

And you 

ruined 

Me. 

And you stayed in my bed 

And you tried to hold me 

But I was stubborn 

And I was feeling 

So 

Many 

Feelings 

That I didn’t want you to feel my body shaking 

From the pain 

And the joy 

And the confusion 

And the love 

And the anger 

Spilling out of me in the form of 

Tears. 

because I loved you 

For three years 

And I hated you for three years 

And I missed you for three years 

And I fantasized for three years 

About this very moment. 

But I worked so hard 

For three years 

To be okay without you. 

And after three years 

I finally did it.

So I decided 

I couldn’t go backwards 

No matter how much I wanted to. 

I decided to do to you 

What you did to me 

And walk away from you

While you loved me with everything you had. 

I left you. 

And you tried 

Maybe once or twice 

To talk to me after that 

But I held my ground 

Because I had to 

Because I never did before and 

It 

Ruined 

Me. 

The thing about a pest, 

Though, 

Is it always comes back 

Like you did 

A couple months later. 

But it was different this time 

Because I came up to you 

Instead of you coming up to me 

And then we started talking 

And then it was the same again

As you told me how much you love me 

And how much you want me back 

And how you would do anything for me. 

And I loved to hear it, 

I really did. 

It made me so happy. 

After three years, 

You were begging for me. 

And after three years 

I was the one in control. 

So I reeled you in a couple of times 

And then I let you go. 

And this continued for a while 

Because i very much enjoyed the new power 

I held 

But like most, 

I abused it. 

Because you finally got tired

of me playing with you

And then I had to put in some work. 

So I did, 

And it led to me 

Sneaking out 

Like I did one night 

Years ago

To drive down the dirt road 

That went to your house.

And then you led 

Me down the stairs 

To your bed 

Where we sat

and talked 

And laughed 

And went back in time to 

Years ago 

When I fell for you. 

And I fell for you,

Again. 

And again 

And again 

And again 

And again, 

You left. 

Again, 

There’s someone else,

Better,

Worth it. 

And again, 

I’m the stupid girl 

Who let you leave me 

Again.