Every birthday is the same

I receive “everything” I want

It’s a huge celebration

A national holiday

This year’s will not be different

But it is

This year I lose my “freedom”

And there is nothing I can do

 

It’s my duty

One of the many 

Since my birth 

No decision has been my own

But someone else's

What I wear

What I do

What I say

Where I go

Who I am with

Everyday full of lessons

How to be a leader

A King, a Ruler

 

Did anyone ask me if this is what I want?

Did anyone ask me about anything I want?

No

Because being King is my birthright

It’s mine

Even thought I don’t want it

 

Yes, I have gotten “everything” 

I have ever wanted

Horses, Dogs, Swords, Toys,

All of it

But never the life I wanted

 

The life he lives

The gardener’s son

He is younger than me

But more free than me

 

All those years of sneaking out

Late at night

During lessons

Early in the morning

During meals

To play with him

To roll around in the dirt

To be someone else

 

He has everything that I want

No one scolds him for mud

Tells him to sit up

Eat properly

Think before he speaks

Wear this not that

He has no pressure

Of a kingdom

One that he will one day have to rule

Even if he doesn't want to

To settle down 

And forever 

Be trapped

To the throne

To these stone walls

He is free to leave

To venture out of these walls

To explore the world beyond

 

I envy him

Because he has everything I want

Yes, I may have more riches

But he has freedom

As children we were both free

Or at least somewhat free

But as time when on

I became more chained

To the throne

As he continued to grew

To escape

 

He was a wild flower

Free to grow wherever

I was a potted rose

Restricted to one place

 

Everyday during lessons

I would see him

Running around

Playing with the other children

Smiling, Laughing,

Enjoying his youth

 

While I sat in a dark room

Studying books of laws

A sad frown on my face

Getting scolded for not paying attention

 

As children we were friends

But age created distance

We understood

Class distinctions,

Social standings,

Wealth differences

I did not care

He did

 

Claimed I did not understand

“You’re a prince”

“I’m a gardener”

“Go back to your castle”

“And I’ll stay here, in my flower beds.”

And thus my representative of freedom

Bound me to my prison

Again

 

So now here I stand

Overlooking the preparations

For my ball

The one to determine my “Queen”

But all my eyes do is follow him

Carting flowers in

Arranging them just so

Sweat dripping down his face

Down his neck 

All my thoughts are of him

Because I envy him

But he is also all I want

All I have ever wanted

 

If I could

I would leave this castle

I’d live with him in that small cottage

Planting flowers

Enjoying flowers

Enjoying him

But it’s not meant to be

 

Our eyes meet

And he smiles

A happy, oblivious smile

And I feel a bit of me die

Because he is my only escape

And he is already gone

It is he that does not understand

He never will

 

But it is no matter

Tonight I will pick a wife

Someone to fit the image of “Queen”

To perform their duties

As I perform mine

From my office

Overlooking the gardens

And what could have been

What should have been

What I want to have been