eve of 18
on the eve of 18 you would think id have changed:
you would think id have learned to not skip meals
as i did when i was 14
you would think id have stopped giving out stickers to people
as i did when i was 6
you would think id have stopped picking at scabs trying to see blood
as i always have
on the eve of 18 you would think id have myself together:
but i still cant do my eyeliner just right
and yes, i do put that on the same level
as not being able to drive alone
without wanting to crash
on the eve of 18 i am still afraid of the same things i have been ages 1 through 17:
i can’t think about raccoons or horses or my best friend dying or never being on an airplane again or coming out to my parents or loosing the sensation of pens against paper or fingers against a keyboard
on the eve of 18 i still hate the same things:
i can name 10 reasons off the top of my head why you will loose brain cells watching dancing with the stars and why st patrick’s day is the worst holiday to ever exist and why some people shouldn’t be allowed near the internet and putting children on a leash is an offense that is inexcusable
on the eve of 18 i feel myself going on rants constantly
tirades of no merit
rambles of discord
and i wonder, what is being an adult?
when do i feel like an adult?
because honestly on the eve of 18 all i can see is all of the reasons i’m still the same as ive always been
and its leading me to the conclusion that 18, the act of turning 18 is actually a load of bull
but then why am i so fucking afraid?