Lay down your book. Shut off the light.
Check your phone for one last time.
Don't like the space. Don't like the night.
Don't like the loneliness or quiet.
Sleep fast - keep thoughts from charging back.
Wake up. Turn on YouTube before the thoughts attack.
You know you're supposed to read your Bible.
It's been months since you slowed down to do that.
Shower - water melts thought trains.
White waterfall noise drowns brain waves.
Dress, grab backpack, snack, off to face the day.
Not a thought, not a care, not a focusing gaze.
Pay attention in class - too closely.
Learn facts but don't let anything touch you.
Drive to work. Throw yourself into the task.
If you can't focus, daydream. Wear a mask.
Listen to audio books as you drive home.
Turn on the TV and pretend you aren't alone.
Study half-hearted but check check your phone.
Text several "friends" who don't answer. They roam.
Devour junk food - anything you've seen.
Taste is your distraction. It always has been.
Drown sadness in ice cream - drown fire in gasoline.
Now wallow in fatness and feel regret keenly.
Open your laptop. Lose yourself in a digital world,
A cosm you control with a finger curl.
Check your phone before you turn off the light.
Talk to yourself to face the night.
Close your eyes. Pretend you're someone else.
Pretend you're a stronger, smarter self.
Pretend all your problems are under control.
You talk to yourself - yes, I'm on a role.
Does this make me crazy, or does it keep me sane?
Keeping constant distractions to disrupt thought trains
Hold the reigns. Thoughts are chains. I can't do this forever.
But wake up tomorrow and do it again.